observation notes: #1 Cheerleader Camp

In the interest of painting myself as objective a reviewer as possible, and not just a raving fanatic, I will say that comedies by The Asylum don't usually do it for me, as they skimp a little too much on story for the sake of sex, drugs and flatulence. But #1 Cheerleader Camp is a pleasant exception, while still fulfilling, in kind, all the aforementioned detractors.

Basically Bring it On meets Meatballs with a dash of American Pie: Band Camp, the film concerns two young men who somehow land jobs working maintenance at a cheerleader camp. Naturally, they're in it for the perks. And there are lots of perks. Or at least perky things. Take for instance the opening scene, man's best friend: buxom young ladies on trampolines. For real. The film opens the same way The Man Show used to close. And just in case you're thinking, "wow, that's incredibly sexist," uh-uh, nope, it was written by a woman, so, you know, not sexist.

Neither then is the group shower scene, the best - if "best" can be conscienably applied to describing a group shower scene - of its kind since Porky's, nor the sprinkler montage, a rival to Phoebe Cates' iconic pool emergence in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. "How many more references is he going to make?" you may be asking yourself? None.

As for performances, for me the film was made and saved by Seth Cassell, who I really didn't like in Sex Pot, but here found to be more subtle and restrained, thus actually funny. As for the other guy, he was passable, but I was really distracted by the fact that he looks a lot like the douche who plays Ted on How I Met Your Mother. Beyond the principles, there is a bevvy of naked chicks - as though cheerleaders weren't enough, strippers enter about halfway through - a cameo from Mega Piranha hero Paul Logan and Lucy from Dallas (Charlene Tilton) playing herself with unabashed bravado. That's really all you need to know.

A couple choice quotes to give a sense of tone:

"Every time you spooge, you burn like, a 1,000 calories."

"You've never stuck your dick in a watermelon?"

"She's just a girl, one girl who will never let you fuck her while she's going down on another chick."

Perhaps I should have mentioned before now that this blog is not kid-friendly.