Search This Blog

Sounds Like an Asylum Movie to Me

The story here isn't so much the impetus for this post as much as the concept of the critter at the center of it is.

Seems down in the beleaguered Gulf of Mexico, shrimpers and oystermen are having a bit of a problem, and this time it isn't BP's fault: giant shrimp known as Black Tiger Shrimp are eating up their potential catches. Like I said, the story isn't the thing, it's this guy:

Okay, so, that fella, by the ruler he sleeps next to, is 12 inches long; imagine if those inches were feet. Then it isn't other shrimp this bad boy's chomping on, it's bigger fish, sharks, dolphins, small whales, small boats, personal watercraft and definitely every single human being it comes across. And oh yeah, they're not rogue creatures, they travel in schools. Current estimates are of 1,000 or more in the Gulf alone. So...yeah.

But how in the world would they evolve to such a size? That's just ridiculous.

That's where BP comes back into the picture. What if the oil spill was done intentionally to cover up another kind of spill? Say of some government-designed growth hormone meant to plump our seafood supplies into the 22nd Century? And say rather than the normal dose, a dose 1,000,000 times that was released into the ocean just as a school of Black Tiger Shrimp were swimming by? What do you suppose would happen then? TOTAL SHRIMPDEMONIUM!

So then the concept is sound, or sound enough for 90 minutes on SyFy, and now the only question is, who's gonna handle this shrimp problem? Shrimpers, of course, good old down-home boys, men of the marsh, stubbled hard drinkers with rock-solid work ethics and hearts of gold. You gotta have John Schneider in this one, you just gotta. And the dude who played Bubba Gump as his first mate, or whatever shrimpers call the right-hand guy. Throw in Lea Thompson as his wife, a teenage kid or two who's off with friends on a pleasurecraft when the shrimp attack, and you got yourself a freakin' movie.

As usual, dibs.

1 comment:

  1. I like it. Can you somehow work a Christmas miracle into it? John Schneider and Lea Thompson would be awesome in a Christmas miracle movie with a gigantic shrimp. It could be a Lifetime/Syfy crossover thing.