outside the walls: Non-Asylum Inklings

So I'll admit it, there are films not produced by The Asylum. There always have been, always will be. These glasses I wear are not rose-colored. They are clear, and occasionally smudged with fingerprints. A sampling of non-Asylum films due soon and news that might spark the interest of Asylum fans. Just remember, Sweet 'n Low ain't Sugar.

A Couple of Trailers to Peep

While nothing can trump the awesomeness that is the Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus trailer, there are a couple notable Norwegian films opening soon that might catch the interest of Asylum fans. That's right, you read correctly, both of these films are Norwegian, but they're dubbed, and they look awesome. In fact, between these and Let the Right One In, Scandinavia is quickly replacing the French as purveyors of the finest European horror. First up is a nice little Christmas movie that opens in the U.S. today in limited release, then expands over the rest of the month, Rare Exports.

 A synopsis from the site: "It's the eve of Christmas in northern Finland, and an 'archeological' dig has just unearthed the real Santa Claus. But this particular Santa isn't the one you want coming to town. When the local children begin mysteriously disappearing, young Pietari and his father Rauno, a reindeer hunter by trade, capture the mythological being and attempt to sell Santa to the misguided leader of the multinational corporation sponsoring the dig. Santa's elves, however, will stop at nothing to free their fearless leader from captivity. What ensues is a wildly humorous nightmare – a fantastically bizarre polemic on modern day morality."

Yup. You can check out the trailer at the film's website, as well as a schedule of when it opens where. It's been a while - maybe since Silent Night, Deadly Night 2, as I'm not counting the recent remake of Black Xmas as anything other than gratuitous jiggly eye candy - since we've had a good, old-fashioned scary Christmas movie; this looks like the perfect refresher.

Then there's the big gun, the film with a tagline that boasts, "The most important film of the year is Norwegian," and at the moment, I am hard-pressed to believe them (provided they mean other than MSvC, of course): The Troll Hunter. Part Blair Witch, part Cloverfield, all Norwegian, this horror spectacle is ripe for ripping off by an American studio, so I would recommend The Asylum get on this now before Matt Reeves is given another job. 

As of last month, The Troll Hunter has been picked up for U.S. distribution by the folks over at Magnet, and should hit our theaters sometime in 2011, I'm betting the latter half. Until then, watch this almost as many times as you would the MSvC trailer, and marvel at the finest idea to strike contemporary horror since 30 Days of Night. Hopefully, though, this one will not be a clusterfuck shitstorm like that film. Sorry David Slade, but you know I'm right.





Requisite SyFy Original Movie Schedule

They're not all as good as The Asylum productions, but rumor has it there are some other entertaining films under the wildly popular "SyFy Original Movies" banner, particularly those that air at 9 p.m. on Saturdays, quickly becoming the most creaturiffic night in all of television. A look at the upcoming schedule:

December 3 it's a Depp-athon, nothing original about that.

December 11, Ice Quake airs, starring Brendan Fehr ("Roswell," The Forsaken), Holly Dignard (Polar Storm, which airs just before this) and directed by Paul Ziller (Polar Storm, again airing just before, and Yeti, which airs just after, so it's a Ziller-Triple-Feature!) 

December 18 they again ditch the original program for studio schlock, The Cave, this time, but then they make it up to us on Christmas Day with a water-themed original movie marathon that includes such stellar titles as Sea Snakes, Frankenfish, Eye of the Beast, Lake Placid 3, Sea Beast, Snakehead Terror, Malibu Shark Attack, Shark Swarm and Spring Break Shark Attack. Now, I've seen each of these films, but never in a row. I'm looking forward to the challenge.