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Sounds Like An Asylum Film to Me

Another one here I may have missed the boat on, but again, it's too good to pass up: we all sat forward a little uneasily a month or so ago when a deadly Egyptian cobra went missing from the Bronx Zoo. Though in the end there was absolutely nothing to panic about - the daggum thing was less than 20 feet from its case and never left the reptile house - and indeed, we even made light of the situation (see photo), the inherit peril remains: a deadly snake on the loose in a city environment with its myriad hiding spots is terrifying. So what about, say, a hundred of them? In a sizable community located on an island? Oh yeah, it's Island of the Cobras!

The lowdown: a boat carrying a load of 100 prize-cobras (for research, zoo delivery, who cares, it isn't important) passes by idyllic _______ Island of the coast of __________ and gets caught in a storm, sinks, dispelling its cargo (the snake crates) which wash up on shore. Once discovered by a drunken couple wandered away from a beach party, the crates are opened and the cobras unleashed. They kill most of the beach party-goers and make their way inland.

A sheriff, maybe a deputy - some sort of law enforcer - discovers the bodies and just as they're figuring out the cause of death, the cobras begin attacking all over the island. From there it's just simple math: eliminate the cobras before they eliminate the people.

This can be done with only one snake - they're sneaky, lethal devils - but what's good with one is awesome with a hundred, in my book. And for an added holiday flair, make the island Ireland and call it St. Patrick's Day.

I would never be able to actually write this film, being severely ophidiophobic. I'm already going to have visceral nightmares just for writing this post. But I still think it would make a swell movie, if you like that sort of thing.

1 comment:

  1. I love the "ripped from the headlines" posts. I think the island needs to be a small resort island. And the storm that wrecked the cobra delivery ship also wrecked most of the boats on the island. And the cobra delivery ship smashed into the only bridge to the mainland and destroyed it. Now a bunch of people are trapped on a small island with all the cobras. The cobras were being delivered to a lab to make anti-venom because they were, of course, specially bred to make double the usual amount.

    I think I'll have to try writing my own screenplay for the Asylum (not this one tho; it's all yours). Your sale of A Haunting in Salem is seriously inspiring.