Sounds Like An Asylum Movie to Me

From the taxidermy bird production of Matrix Reloaded

I don't know if you guys have been checking the news out this past week, but there've been some pretty weird goings-on going on, the sort of stuff that would make Charles Fort, god rest his soul, sit up and take notice. Check this out:

• December 31st, Arkansas - thousands of red-winged blackbirds are reported to fall dead from the sky over an area roughly a square mile. No diseases are found, no toxins, only blunt force trauma as though the entire flock was started at once and flew madly into one another. Officials speculate fireworks frightened the birds.

• January 1- 5th, Brazil - 100 tons of dead fish wash ashore. As of yet, no cause has been determined.

• January 3rd, Louisiana - 500 red-winged blackbirds, starlings and sparrows are found dead on the side of the highway. No fireworks are suspected.

• January 3rd - 5th, England - 40,000 - that's not a mistype, 40,000 - small crabs wash onto the shore of the English coast, all of 'em dead. Officials suspect cold weather is the culprit. 

• January 5th, Maryland - 2 million fish go belly-up, mostly small guys but, still, 2 million of them. Again cold weather is the supposed culprit, as previous cases can be cited in the same area from 1976 and 1980. 

• January 5th, Sweden - hundreds of dead birds fall from the sky. As in Arkansas, blunt force trauma from "external blows" killed the bids. Once again they are found to be free of disease or toxin. Just beaten to death. 

•  January 5th, Kentucky - hundreds of grackles, red-winged blackbirds, robins and starlings fall dead from the sky, again disease-free and non-poisoned.

Pretty weird, right? I mean, when you put it all together, this stuff is just a couple former teen-idols short of a Saturday night on SyFy. But does it really signify the beginning of the end, the first tremors of the fabled apocalypse? Probably not. Shit, even Kirk Cameron doesn't really think so. Most likely this kind of shit goes on all the time and we just don't notice it, kinda like how you never notice how many Volkswagens there are on the road until you play punch-buggy. The only ones who should be truly nervous about these events are red-winged blackbirds; someone's really got it out for those guys.


But you see what I mean? This one could go anywhere: it could be a religious-themed end-of-days epic, a Hitchcockian creature feature about a war between birds, an eco-terror thriller, metaphysical horror, paranoid psycho-drama, bad porn, anything! Five bucks says even if it isn't The Asylum who makes this movie (and it probably won't be), you'll still see a Bird Rain or some similar shit pop up on DVD by year's end.


I'm just hoping it stars Kirk Cameron. Ooh, and whichever Baldwin got himself born again.

COMMITTED Gets 1,000th Hit!

As of 8 a.m. this morning, COMMITTED logged its 1,000th hit since launching on August 27th. Now, I don't know if 1,000 hits in a little shy of three weeks is good by normal blog standards or not, but it's pretty fucking awesome in my book. Thanks to all y'all who've stopped by, and keep it up! Things are only getting better from here, so tell your friends, families, video store clerks, Facebook profiles, Twitter accounts, still-functioning MySpace pages, message board threads, personal blogs and anyone else who will listen; there are a lot of great Asylum films coming out over the next few months, and it's up to us, the COMMITTED, to help spread the good word.

Thanks again, and really, it only gets better from here!

More Tiffany/Debbie Advance Hype

Man, the internet is going fucking nuts over the pairing of former teen pop idols Tiffany and Debbie Gibson in the upcoming Asylum flick Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. This is the biggest match-up America didn't know it was longing for since Screech boxed Horshack. Here's yet another article interviewing Tiffany on the work she's done for the Asylum, the work she'd like to do, and the long-standing "rivalry" between she and Ms. Gibson. No release date yet on MP vs. G, but as soon as I know, you'll know.

Sharks are the New Vampires

So I know I've touched on this before, but yet another shark trailer was released this weekend, a SyFy original dubbed Swamp Shark, and it made me curious exactly how many shark films we can expect in the next year. The answer? Quite a few:

Sharktopus (9/25/10)
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (12/21/2010!!!)
Dinoshark (2010) (already aired on SyFy, no DVD)
The Reef (2010)
Supershark (2011)
Swamp Shark (2011)
Dark Tide (2011)
Shark Night 3D (2011)
Bait (2011)

Scratch that headline: sharks aren't the new vampires, vampires are still struggling to become the new sharks.

Inside the Actor's Blog

Pretty...interesting blog here from actor D.C. Douglas, most notable for his voiceover work for Geico and the terms under which he was relieved of said work, but relevant here because he plays the Captain in Titanic II. These two experiences somehow weave themselves together in the above linked post straight out of the horse's mouth, complete with video clips of his work for The Asylum, four films to date.

Enjoy.

Asylum Producer Video Interview!

Recently in Tilburg, The Netherlands, the annual Incubate Festival was held, an exhibition of "diverse views on indie culture as a whole, including music, contemporary dance, film and visual arts." Well, to cover their asses for film, they invited the fine folks at The Asylum to come by and, among other things, premiere Titanic II to European audiences.

One of the products of this festival is this great 21-minute interview with Asylum producer David Rimawi. Rimawi gives a lot of insight into how Asylum films are made, from conception to distribution, and talks about the company's awareness of the marketplace as a vital component to their success.

But don't let me explain it to you, get it from the man himself. Go.

Go!

a quick post to say...

...that if posts over the next week or so don't come as regular as they have been, it's because I have managed to manipulate an otherwise sound woman into marrying me. In addition to this event, I've planned a week of further brainwashing South of the Border to seal the deal. On the plus side, if the oil spill in the Gulf has produced any mutated marine life, I'll be right there to bring you the first pix. Pray for the mutated marine life, otherwise the only photos I'll have to share will be of me drunk and speedo-ed. That's right, I rock a speedo. I was on the swim team in high school; they take me back to a special time. What an odd way to end a post about getting married.

IMDB Recognizes The Asylum...Kinda

I was writing up some observation notes to be released at a later date when I noticed the tab "Block Blunder" attached to the film's IMDB page. Now, I've heard "mockbuster," and I've heard that Mr. Latt prefers to refer to the films as "tie-ins" due to their always-original stories (though the context may be shared) but I've never heard of "Block Blunder." My surprise, you can imagine, when I clicked the link and found this list.

Personally - yep, I'm about to make too big a deal about this - I find the term just plain erroneous. A "blunder," I would imagine, would be something that has failed tremendously, a mistake, an error of economical proportions. Asylum films are anything but. That's why they make them - they're blunder-proof. A block blunder, I would think, would be something like Waterworld, or The Sorcerer's Apprentice, some big-budget studio film that performed well under expectations.

So what's the point, 977, you're no doubt asking yourself?

I'm not really sure. I felt indignant. I wanted to share.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does: why i love the asylum

Because Hollywood doesn't make 'em like they used to.

Because sometimes I just want to watch a movie to escape, pure and simple.

Because the blockbusters take themselves a little too seriously.

Because sometimes I just want to watch people get eaten by ridiculously large marine life, long-extinct prehistoric creatures or even dentally-handicapped hill folk.

Because A-list action stars - besides Jason Statham, of course - bore me.

Because E-list actors need love too.

Because it's more fun to be scared of whatever the hell a Gatoroid is, than terrorism, ecological destruction or pandemics.

Because sometimes I want to know the effects are effects. 2012 cost me clothing.

Because The Asylum gives the people what they want - booms, blood and the occasional boob - instead of giving them heavy-handed two-hour commercials replete with body image issues and a false sense of hope.

Because of this.

Because of Tiffany.

And finally, most importantly, I love The Asylum just cuz. You can still do that.