Lovely Ladies of the Asylum vol. 2

I'm not a fool, gentlemen. I know what brings you here, what lures you in, coaxes your hits, some of you at least. It isn't the snarky commentary, or the breaking news, the hard-hitting interviews or deep-digging profiles, no, it's not me at all, is it? I see the keywords from my Google hits, and I know a picture of a pretty lady brings in more readers than the phrase "observation notes." 

Not that I can blame you: The Asylum employs a score of attractive and - more importantly - capable, intelligent and talented actresses well worthy of your search engine adoration. So, to gives my readers something I know they want and would never ask for, I tastefully present a pictorial tribute to some of The Asylum's beautiful leading ladies. Enjoy.

Eliza Swenson

actress
Transmorphers - Dragon - The 9/11 Commission Report - Dracula's Curse - King of the Lost World - The Beast of Bray Road - Frankenstein Reborn


composer (!!!)
Supercroc - Dragon - The 9/11 Commission Report - Dracula's Curse - Exorcism: The Possession of Gail Bowers

writer
Dragon - non-Asylum Witches of Oz

Jessica Bork

Invasion of the Pod People
Transmorphers
The Hitchhiker
Dragon

   

Erica Duke

#1 Cheerleader Camp
Titanic II
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus

Deedee Pfeiffer

Journey to the Center of the Earth
Alien vs Hunter 

Heather McComb

2012: Supernova  

Jamie Bernadette

MILF  

Sounds Like an Asylum Movie to Me

So, the above image was captured by the Hubble telescope last week, and is assumed to be a green cloud of gas illuminated by a quasar that blinked out of existence some 200,000 years ago. 

The object, given the catchy moniker Hanny's Voorwerp (which sounds more like a top-shelf expenditure in Amsterdam's Red Light District than an astronomical anomaly), is said to be the size of our own Milky Way galaxy, and composed of a 300,000 light-year-long stream of gas. The glowing part is supposedly oxygen, and this nebulous nebula is, by current calculations, 650 million light years from our peaceful planet. So even if it was dangerous - which officials insist it is not - it wouldn't reach Earth for several, several, several lifetimes.

Yeah right.

That's exactly what they would say, isn't it? Of course it's just gas, of course it's harmless, of course it's too far away to be dangerous. Let me pose a question: if this thing's moving so slow, where was it the day before you discovered it? It's green and glowing and 300 thousand light-years long, not exactly the kind of thing that creeps up on you. For all we know, this thing leaps light-years like lily pads and it's just resting up between jumps.  

And maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I've been influenced by too many science-fiction films, but since when is a glowing green cloud from deep space the size of our galaxy not considered dangerous? Nothing the size of our galaxy is harmless. Blue whales are supposed to be docile things as well; try dropping one on your house. Docile or not, big shit causes damage. 

from www.longhousestudios.com

Of course it's coming for us, this strange radiation cloud, this cosmic dragon that as we pass through it will incinerate everything that crosses its green, glowing line, unless a team of crack scientists can find a way to reflect or some other way thwart the cloud from causing the whole planet to combust. 

And every team needs a leader, preferably a bit of a maverick, a brilliant and well-educated, vastly-experienced rogue who plays by his own rules, isn't afraid to take a risk, and in the end cares more about survival and discovery than fame and fortune. Ooh, ooh, and his ex-wife should be involved. James Van Der Beek and Kristen Miller were born to play these roles, born I say!

Round out the team with a couple of technicians/specialists, roles for folks like Kim Little, Jude Gerard-Prest, Jay Gillespie, Erica Duke, that sort of crew, and maybe even a two-man astronaut crew, valiant martyrs for the greater good, played by Rhett Giles and Griff Furst, just for old time's sake.

Stranger films have been made, but not much stranger things have been discovered.