My 5 Favorite (Single-Headed) Shark Movies

As we enter day two of what I'm dubbing "2 Headed Shark Week" - leading up to next Tuesday's DVD release - I thought I'd share something I've been asked about a lot lately: my 5 favorite shark movies (that I didn't write). Now, if you're a regular reader of Committed, or you read me yesterday, you know that I LOVE shark movies. I have seen every shark movie in existence multiple times, my favorite movie ever is a shark movie (see below), I haven't been in the ocean past my ankles since 1984, and the good lord willing, I never will be again. Bottom line, shark movies mean a lot to me, and these are the cream of the crop, in my book.

Jaws: Where else would you start? Not only do I consider Jaws to be the no-brainer best shark movie, and the best horror movie, it's also my favorite film of all time. I watch it purposely at least twice a year and stop what I'm doing every time I come across it on TV. I know every scene, every line by heart; this, to me, is cinematic perfection. There will never be another shark movie like Jaws, there can never be; like the beast it depicts, the film is top of the food chain, an apex predator that will always devour the competition.

 Shark Swarm: This 2008 TV miniseries from director James A. Contner and writers David Rosiak and Matthew Chernov is a staple of every SyFy shark marathon, and rightfully so. It's a shark movie lover's dream: a really long shark movie! This one hits all the high notes of a Saturday Afternoon Classic: greedy suit-type, toxic chemicals, scores of enraged, altered and organized sharks, not to mention a top-notch cast including Darryl Hannah, John Schneider, Heather McComb, Armand Assante and Academy Award Winner F. Murray Abraham. Put it all together and you get 167 minutes of bloody bliss. 

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus: Of course this was going to make my list. There are a lot of giant shark movies out there, but for those of us for whom this wasn't quite enough, The Asylum gave us a shark that was truly mega. Homeshark grabbed planes from the sky, ripped out a chunk of the golden gate bridge, and survived both a giant octopus and Lorenzo Lamas. It's a thrilling B-movie epic, the kills and effects are awesome, it made a household name of Debbie Gibson again and at the end of the day, it might just be the most fun shark movie ever made. (For now...)

Spring Break Shark Attack: I cannot believe it took so long for someone to come up with this concept. Spring Break. Shark Attack. They're like the peanut butter and chocolate of horror movie elements. And though this too was made for TV - CBS at that, go figure - so it can't be as gory as I'd like, it's another fun flick with lots of bikinis, lots of tanned bro's, and lots of sharks.

 

The Reef: Australians know sharks. Well. The Great Barrier Reef is Great White central. So it stands to reason a shark movie from an Australian would be pretty good. The Reef, by Australian Andrew Traucki, is that movie. Like Open Water with balls, the tension in this one never lets up. If you still dare to go in the water, this one just might shake that conviction once and for all.

Sounds Like an Asylum Movie to Me

The story here isn't so much the impetus for this post as much as the concept of the critter at the center of it is.

Seems down in the beleaguered Gulf of Mexico, shrimpers and oystermen are having a bit of a problem, and this time it isn't BP's fault: giant shrimp known as Black Tiger Shrimp are eating up their potential catches. Like I said, the story isn't the thing, it's this guy:

Okay, so, that fella, by the ruler he sleeps next to, is 12 inches long; imagine if those inches were feet. Then it isn't other shrimp this bad boy's chomping on, it's bigger fish, sharks, dolphins, small whales, small boats, personal watercraft and definitely every single human being it comes across. And oh yeah, they're not rogue creatures, they travel in schools. Current estimates are of 1,000 or more in the Gulf alone. So...yeah.

But how in the world would they evolve to such a size? That's just ridiculous.

That's where BP comes back into the picture. What if the oil spill was done intentionally to cover up another kind of spill? Say of some government-designed growth hormone meant to plump our seafood supplies into the 22nd Century? And say rather than the normal dose, a dose 1,000,000 times that was released into the ocean just as a school of Black Tiger Shrimp were swimming by? What do you suppose would happen then? TOTAL SHRIMPDEMONIUM!


So then the concept is sound, or sound enough for 90 minutes on SyFy, and now the only question is, who's gonna handle this shrimp problem? Shrimpers, of course, good old down-home boys, men of the marsh, stubbled hard drinkers with rock-solid work ethics and hearts of gold. You gotta have John Schneider in this one, you just gotta. And the dude who played Bubba Gump as his first mate, or whatever shrimpers call the right-hand guy. Throw in Lea Thompson as his wife, a teenage kid or two who's off with friends on a pleasurecraft when the shrimp attack, and you got yourself a freakin' movie.


As usual, dibs.

Sounds Like an Asylum Movie to Me

The story here isn't so much the impetus for this post as much as the concept of the critter at the center of it is.

Seems down in the beleaguered Gulf of Mexico, shrimpers and oystermen are having a bit of a problem, and this time it isn't BP's fault: giant shrimp known as Black Tiger Shrimp are eating up their potential catches. Like I said, the story isn't the thing, it's this guy:

Okay, so, that fella, by the ruler he sleeps next to, is 12 inches long; imagine if those inches were feet. Then it isn't other shrimp this bad boy's chomping on, it's bigger fish, sharks, dolphins, small whales, small boats, personal watercraft and definitely every single human being it comes across. And oh yeah, they're not rogue creatures, they travel in schools. Current estimates are of 1,000 or more in the Gulf alone. So...yeah.

But how in the world would they evolve to such a size? That's just ridiculous.

That's where BP comes back into the picture. What if the oil spill was done intentionally to cover up another kind of spill? Say of some government-designed growth hormone meant to plump our seafood supplies into the 22nd Century? And say rather than the normal dose, a dose 1,000,000 times that was released into the ocean just as a school of Black Tiger Shrimp were swimming by? What do you suppose would happen then? TOTAL SHRIMPDEMONIUM!


So then the concept is sound, or sound enough for 90 minutes on SyFy, and now the only question is, who's gonna handle this shrimp problem? Shrimpers, of course, good old down-home boys, men of the marsh, stubbled hard drinkers with rock-solid work ethics and hearts of gold. You gotta have John Schneider in this one, you just gotta. And the dude who played Bubba Gump as his first mate, or whatever shrimpers call the right-hand guy. Throw in Lea Thompson as his wife, a teenage kid or two who's off with friends on a pleasurecraft when the shrimp attack, and you got yourself a freakin' movie.


As usual, dibs.

inmate profile(s): the ladies of Barely Legal

In honor of the next Asylum release, the sexy comedy Barely Legal, on DVD July 26th, Committed turns its spotlight on the films three heroines, Jeneta St. Clair, Melissa Johnson and Lisa Younger.

 Jeneta St. Clair, "Cheryl" in the film, has only been working on film for a year or so, but already her IMDB dance card is booked full, with four other films currently in post-production, including Return of the Killer Shrews, a sequel of sort to the 1959 horror flick; John Schneider and Bruce Davison (Mega Fault, Titanic II) co-star.

Next up is Lisa Younger, aka "Lexi," another relative newcomer with a plethora of projects coming our way: Panman and Hide, both horror flicks, and the dramas Young Again and The Wrong Way.

And rounding out this nubile triumvirate of salacious hotties is Melissa Johnson, the film's "Sue," the most newcoming of these newcomers; Miss Johnson to date has only one other credit, though technically she was uncredited in it - the Robert Pattinson/Reece Witherspoon Depression-Circus hit(?) Water For Elephants, in which she was a Foxtrot Dancer.


So then, although there isn't a lot of information out there about the three actresses anchoring The Asylum's next sex comedy, I choose to view this an as opportunity to catch three rising starlets along their meteoric ascent to fame and fortune. Plus, I like to think unknowns make the best actors (or writers, directors, etc.) - they're the hungriest. Watch Misses Johnson, Younger and St. Clair satiate their appetites July 26th when Barely Legal drops on DVD.