observation notes: 12/12/12

Out this Tuesday from The Asylum, the supernatural thriller 12/12/12, from writer/director and Committed-fave Jared Cohn (Born Bad, Bikini Spring Break, Hold Your Breath). The film stars Sara Malakul Lane (the lovely lady scientist in Sharktopus), Jesus Guevara (Santiago, upcoming 40 Sundays), Carl Donelson (Born Bad), and Steve Hanks (Hold Your Breath, Super Cyclone), as well as Asylum regulars Jon Kondelik (Amityville Haunting, American Warships, 40 Days and Nights, Haunting of Whaley House, Nazis at the Center of the Earth etc.), Samantha Stewart (Bikini Spring Break), Erin O'Brien (Bikini Spring Break), Samuel Fisher (Nazis at the Center of the Earth), and even Cohn himself (Halloween Night, Legion of the Dead, Way of the Vampire, Alien Abduction) as, appropriately, "Jared."

The film - not a sequel to last year's supernatural thriller 11/11/11 - concerns a not-so-innocent baby boy, Sebastian, who after his birth on the twelfth day of the twelfth month of the twelfth year of the twenty-first century, begins affecting those around him in a pretty lethal way. Soon enough, mom Veronica (Lane) comes to the only conclusion she can: lil Sebastian is a bona fide hellspawn, and the shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan.

In the interest of keeping this spoiler-free - the point's to get you to see it, after all - I'll spare you the various twists and turns of this fast-paced, thrill-a-minute fright-fest, but to say that this one holds nothing back, starting from frame one: there's gore, nudity, enough swearing to make a sailor blush, and rampant violence to keep you watching through your fingers.

Ms. Lane was my favorite part of Sharktopus - which overall I thought was weighed down by too much scientific mumbo jumbo - and the love affair continues. Girl's got mad scream-queen potential, as her work here affirms. It was my first time seeing Mr. Donelson as husband Carlos, and he brought the requisite macho concern as a father WAY out of his league.

Cohn has once again delivered a taut, twisting, barrage of thrills sure to hack at Asylum fans' horror bones. His direction adds darkness to an already pitch-black story, and his intimacy with the acts of violence throughout submerge viewers into the Hell he is unleashing on-screen. The film has a very urban-gothic feel, a sinister, ironic claustrophobia that really elevates the tension and suspense.

A little bit Omen, a little bit Rosemary's Baby, a tad of The Beast Within, and a whole lot of nail-biting originality makes 12/12/12 a post-Halloween horror treat genre fans should enjoy. It's out this Tuesday, December 4th, on DVD, Blu-Ray, and VOD.

observation notes: BIKINI SPRING BREAK

There would be some who might say the spring break movie is a well-trod and well-mined sub-genre of teen sex comedies, and that nothing new can be found there. To those people may I direct you to The Asylum's Bikini Spring Break, on DVD now, which manages to not only breathe new life into the category, but also manages a few new tricks along the way.

First things first, the plot: "A group of coeds from a small conservative college break out of their shells when their marching band bus breaks down in Ft. Lauderdale during Spring Break."

Simple enough, right? The best things in life are. Now, in the interest of remaining spoiler-free, I won't delve into plot specifics, other than to say BSB hits all the right notes. You have to wait perhaps 2.7 seconds for the first wave of nudity, which I believe might be a new Asylum record. Already things are off to a stellar start. 

The film is laced with inventive gags that reaffirm everything society prays is true about buxom college girls: they love to be naked, especially in the company of each other, and are itching for sexual experimentation. There's a real 80's sex-comedy vibe running through this, updated for today's raunchier standards, and it helps to create an endearing cast of characters you don't just want to see naked, you also want to see them triumph. BSB is like an actually-good American Pie sequel, or Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise with female main characters (which, all apologies to the excellent Robert Carradine, woulda been cooler). And it has perhaps the greatest jello wrestling scene in all of cinema, shot in stunning slo-mo that reveals the beauty within the brutality of it all.

As for that endearing cast of characters, while all of the women are near-perfect for their roles - Samantha Stewart as the bossy, neurotic, hotter "Jessie-Spano" type "Whitney," Virginia Petrucci as the doe-eyed and bawdily naive "Zoe," Jamie Noel as spoiled-princess type "Franny" (nice Salinger nod), Erin O'Brien as the abrupt and gruff "Michelle" and Rachel Alig as blissfully daft, sweet-as-sugar "Alice" - it's Alig, for me at least, that really stood out; it's a funny role and she's funny in it, admittedly funnier than I was expecting. Other standouts in supporting roles include Erica Duke as the anti-spring break good girl "Constance" and Johnathan Nation as the pitch-perfect exasperated dean of the girls' community college. There's also a handsome mechanic to watch out for.


All in all then, writer/director Jared Cohn has turned in another fine effort: BSB is smarter than your average sex comedy, its tongue firmly in cheek, ripe with loveable characters and rife with scintillating scenarios that will keep fans of the genre - and of beautiful women - more than transfixed. Utterly rewatchable. Who knows, maybe this could become The Asylum's first comedy franchise? I'd watch six more of these.


Bikini Spring Break  is on DVD right this instant. Go get it.

BIKINI SPRING BREAK on DVD Today!!!

It isn't really summer until someone puts out a raunchy comedy starring scantily-clad co-eds, and thank god, The Asylum today steps up to the plate with the DVD, Blu-Ray and VOD release of their latest sexy tryst, Bikini Spring Break, starring Robert Carradine and a score of lovely ladies. 

Written and directed by Jared Cohn - Born Bad, upcoming Asylum theatrical release Hold Your Breath - the film promises to continue the studio's delightfully-bawdy chain of raucous comedic outings. But don't take my word on it, get thee to a video outlet of any sort and get your hands on Bikini Spring Break ASAP, cuz with a cover like this, it's gonna fly off the shelves:

inmate profile: the women of BIKINI SPRING BREAK

With less than a week before the release of The Asylum's next sexy romp, Bikini Spring Break from writer/director Jared Cohn, it's time, I think, to shine the Committed spotlight on the lovely and talented women that make up the cast, and the work that brought them here.

Let's go from left to right, shall we?

Erin O'Brien - Revenants (alongside an acting Jared Cohn, and the upcoming comedies Mamarosh, and Chlorine, co-starring Kyra Sedgwick, Vincent D'Onofrio, and Tom Sizemore.

Jamie Noel: uncredited roles in Hangover 2 and J. Edgar, then lots of upcoming stuff including Speed Dragon with Ron Jeremy and Bai Ling, Seven Psychopaths with Woody Harrelson, Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken and Tom Waits, and Smart Ass from writer/star Marlon Wayans. 

Samantha Stewart: one episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, easily one of the most-awesome reinactment-reality shows on television.

Rachel Alig: a slew of upcoming films, including The Men Next Door, Officer Down, Heavy Makeup, Unlimited and Ask Me No Questions

Virginia Petrucci: The Best and the Brightest with Neil Patrick Harris and Amy Sedaris, Life at the Resort, Excision with AnnaLynne McCord, John Waters and Malcolm McDowell, as well as the upcoming films The Humdrummer and The Algerian.

inmate profile: Robert Carradine

In anticipation of The Asylum's next release - the scintillating comedy Bikini Spring Break, out on DVD, Blu-Ray and VOD June 26th - it's time we turn the Committed spotlight onto the cast and crew of this production, and who better to start with than the film's celebrity star, a true living legend, Mr. Robert Carradine.

Carradine, of course, is part of one of the largest and most talented of Hollywood families: his father, John Carradine, was an actor of all trades who appeared in literally hundreds of films, including Stagecoach, The Grapes of Wrath, The Ten Commandments, Around the World in 80 Days, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, House of the Black Death, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Hillbillies in a Haunted House, The Astro Zombies, Bigfoot and like a trillion more - look up "versatility" in the dictionary, and John Carradine's picture is what you get.

Robert's brothers - David and Keith - have also made significant contributions to the industry, David most notably in the TV series "Kung Fu" and the Kill Bill films, and Keith for his role in Robert Altman's Nashville, for which he won an Oscar for Best Original Song (he's also "Lundy" on a few seasons of "Dexter").

As for Robert, he began his acting career in the early 70's on television before progressing into major motion pictures, his first being The Cowboys with John f'ing Wayne and Bruce Dern, and his second being Martin Scorsese's Mean Streets; not a bad start. 

From there Carradine dabbled a little in the world of Corman with films like Jackson County Jail and Cannonball!, co-starring his brother David. Continuing to work with family, Carradine made The Long Riders in 1980, a bitchin' western about the James' Gang from director Walter Hill (The Waaaaaaaarriors) that co-starred both his brothers (the film also starred three other sets of real life acting brothers, James & Stacy Keach, Dennis & Randy Quaid, and Christopher & Nicholas Guest.).

And then came the role that would forever firmly inaugurate Carradine into the pop culture hall of fame:

 Ah, Lewis Skolnick, a role model for sooooo many of us.

From there Carradine continued to work steadily in film and television, hitting another popularity peak in the early 2000's as Hillary Duff's dad in "Lizzie Maguire." Most recently he's been in Slumber Party Slaughter with Tom Sizemore and Ryan O'Neal, Benefit of the Doubt, an installment of Tom Selleck's "Jesse Stone" TV-movie franchise, Worker's Comp with Morgan Fairchild and, of course, Bikini Spring Break from writer/director Jared Cohn (Born Bad).

Scantilly-clad coeds are no new thing to Carradine, so here's betting his fit into Bikini Spring Break is as snug as a thong. Find out for yourself on June 26th..

Lovely Ladies of the Asylum vol. 9

I'm not a fool, gentlemen. I know what brings you here, what lures you in, coaxes your hits, some of you at least. It isn't the snarky commentary, or the breaking news, the hard-hitting interviews or deep-digging profiles, no, it's not me at all, is it? I see the keywords from my Google hits, and I know a picture of a pretty lady brings in more readers than the phrase "observation notes." 

Not that I can blame you: The Asylum employs a score of attractive and - more importantly - capable, intelligent and talented actresses well worth your search engine adoration. So, to gives my readers something I know they want and would never ask for, I tastefully present a pictorial tribute to some of The Asylum's beautiful leading ladies, this time the stars of the studio's remaining 2012 productions. Enjoy.

Johanna Watts

American Battleship


out 5.22.12

Baby Norman


Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies

out 5.29.12

L - R: Erin O'Brien, Jamie Noel, Samantha Stewart, Rachel Alig, Virginia Peturcci
Bikini Spring Break
out 6.26.12

Stephanie Greco


Haunting of Whaley House

out 7.31.12

AnnaMaria DeMara


Super Cyclone

out 8.24.12

Ming Na


Super Cyclone

still out 8.24.12

BIKINI SPRING BREAK Gets a Poster! PLUS 3 New Titles Listed!!!

From something so spectacularly titled as Bikini Spring Break, one should be able to expect a scintillatingly straight-forward poster; thank god the guys at The Asylum always deliver...

Behold:

Ta-da! One guaranteed hit, courtesy of writer/director Jared Cohn (Born Bad), The Asylum, and whoever the marketing genius is who designs their posters. I work in a really large independent video store, and with two dozen or more direct-to-DVD flicks clogging the New Release section every week, I know a standout when I see it, and believe me, this baby's gonna move.

Lead the pack yourself when Bikini Spring Break, starring Robert "Revenge of the Nerds" Carradine and a bevy of beautiful actresses, hits DVD shelves both actual and virtual on June 26th. 

But wait, there's just a little bit more. Though there's no real information on them as yet, in the Coming Soon bar in the bottom right corner of The Asylum's homepage, three new titles have been mentioned, and this only days after learning about Alien Origin and Adopting Terror: Haunting of Whaley House, Super Cyclone and Golden Winter. 

Haunting, I know, involves a real haunted location in San Diego; Super Cyclone I can hazard a guess as to what it's about, but Golden Winter has me stumped. A global-warming disaster flick? Treasure-hunting holiday fare? A truly raunchy sexcapade? Only time and The Asylum will tell, and when they do, rest assured I'll share it here. Either way, though, 2012 is really shaping up to be a massive year for everyone's favorite independent studio.

First Stills From BIKINI SPRING BREAK!!!

The Asylum's next saucy comedy, Bikini Spring Break, written and directed by the uber-talented Jared Cohn (Born Bad), may still be months away from its June 26 release date, but as of this afternoon, we got the first production stills, and it seems the title is no tease, because there are hella-bikini-clad young ladies in this one.

Bikini Spring Break stars the great Robert Carradine (Revenge of the Nerds, The Long Riders) and a plethora of nubile actresses. Mark your calenders now, gentlemen, and pray summer comes quickly...

Bikini Spring Break Details

The first few details of Bikini Spring Break went up over at The Asylum site today, and it sounds like we got a scorcher on our hands. (you know, hot, bikinis...eh.)

First and foremost, the film is written and directed by Jared Cohn, the mad genius behind Born Bad, which KILLED at this year's Looney Award, becoming the first flick to win the big 5: director, actor, actress, script and picture.

Check out the plot: A group of coeds from a small conservative college break out of their shells when their marching band bus breaks down in Ft. Lauderdale during Spring Break.

Sounds like the perfect set-up for raunchy hilarity to ensue. Also has tinges of one of my favorite flicks, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, which has something else in common with Bikini Spring Break...

Robert fucking Carradine.

Oh yeah, people, this is real, happening, and in production as we speak. June 26th is all goes down...be there!

Two New Asylum Titles Announced

There are no details whatsoever to go along with these titles, only their appearance today in The Asylum's "Coming Soon" list, but I think the titles pretty much explain themselves: Bikini Spring Break and Shark Week.

As soon as more details are made public by The Asylum, you'll find them here...



;)