The Results Are In: Announcing the Winners of the 2010 Loonies!!!

That's right, my faithfully-committed, this is the day we've been waiting for: after six weeks of anticipation and more than 500 votes, it's at long last time to announce the winners of the first ever Looney Awards for Excellence in Asylum Films. This first class of winners will go down in history and their names will echo across time just like Wings, Emil Jannings and Janet Gaynor. In addition to winning the accolades of their fans and the envy of their contemporaries, Looney winners receive, well, nothing physical, but those other things really are pretty cool. A reminder that the Loonies were voted for solely by Committed readers, and you have my word as a Southerner, a gentleman and an Asylum fanatic that the results have been in no way modified. So get your screen maximized, pump something with a little pomp and circumstance on your iTunes (i chose lil wayne's "right above it") and scroll down, winners await you!

Best Supporting Actress - Lindsey McKeon - Airline Disaster

 

Best Supporting Actor - Jude Gerard-Prest - Mega Piranha

 

Best Performance by a Non-Human - Mega Piranha (collective) - Mega Piranha

 

Best Script - Shane Van Dyke - Titanic II

 

Best Actress - Tiffany - Mega Piranha

 

Best Actor - Barry Bostwick - 2010: Moby Dick

 

Best Director - Eric Forsberg - Mega Piranha

 

drum roll please...

Best Feature - Mega Piranha

 

I can assure you that each of these races came down to single-digit differentials, and for the most part every nominee got at least a handful of votes. I think this illustrates just how satisfied we as Asylum fans were with last year's output: they were all so good, we truly had a hard time deciding which one we liked best. But the results speak for themselves, and the big winner this first year is Mega Piranha, walking away with an astounding five of eight Loonies, and a slightly more astounding five of six nominations.

Big shout out to all the winners, and indeed all the nominees; this was the biggest, most spectacular year in The Asylum's history, and it was the contributions of all the nominees - and scores of others that I heartlessly left unnominated - who helped make it happen. So really they're all winners, and the prize is getting to work for the best independent studio in Hollywood.

Thanks to everybody who voted, who commented, and who helped spread the word. Special thanks, as always, to The Asylum for letting me draft off their success, and if any of the winners would like to post an acceptance speech in the comments below, feel free! No cut-off music! 

My Looney Picks: Committed's Favorties of 2010

I want it stated right off the bat and underlined for effect: these are NOT the official results for the 2010 Looney Awards. They ARE NOT. These are merely my personal picks in each category, and I should also add that though they are being posted today, I made my selections more than a month ago, so they have been in no way influenced by the actual results, which will be released tomorrow.

NOT THE LOONEY RESULTS!!!!!

I think I've made myself clear.





Now then, on to the festivities:


Best Supporting Actress

Lindsey McKeon - Airline Disaster

As Special Agent Gina Vitale, McKeon brought a ferocious capability to her character, crafting a complex woman who was simultaneously strong, severe, and sexy. McKeon is no stranger to Asylum films - see also The Land That Time Forgot - but hopefully now that she's an award-winning actress, they can boost her up from supporting roles to a full-on lead. 










Best Supporting Actor

Geoff Meed - 6 Guns

Easily this year's vilest (human) villain, Geoff Meed has made quite the name for himself over at The Asylum playing an array of gruff, tough, general badass characters (I Am Omega, 100 Million BC, Airline Disaster). In 6 Guns, his savagery is matched only by his intensity, and Mr. Meed transforms himself into a terror truly worth undertaking the drastic measures our widow heroine chooses to undertake; he is truly a villain worth killing.  







Best Script

 Paul Bales - Sherlock Holmes

Tackling a character like Sherlock Holmes is hard enough: easily one of the most beloved in all of literature, there is a disciplined intelligence to the stories of Holmes that is the character's own, and to write for such a man requires strict adherence to that intelligence. Well, Bales not only stayed true to the character, he infused the story with some of the author's other literary affectations - like dinosaurs - and even found a way to tie in a plot line resonant of Hollywood-Holmes Robert Downey Jr.'s other recent blockbuster franchise.






Best Nonhuman

Moby Dick - 2010: Moby Dick

Just as big as Mega Shark, just as ferocious as Crocosaurus, and laced with a mammalian intellect that dwarfs even the super-smart school mentality of the Mega Piranha, Moby Dick was a big ol' badass with a snowhilled hump riddled with centuries' worth of harpoons. Vengeful, merciless and damn-near unstoppable; in other words, the perfect villain.


Best Actress

Sage Mears - 6 Guns

More than any other female character this year, Ms. Mears' Selina Stevens, violated widow turned wrathful force of vengeance, carried the brunt of her film's emotional weight almost solely upon her own shoulders. And this was no easy weight to bear: over the films 95 minutes she's required to be a happy mother and loving wife, a victim of unimaginable horrors, a hopeless, reckless drunk, a petulant, impatient pupil and finally a cold, calm, calculated vigilante. Not bad for her first film.







Best Actor

Barry Bostwick - 2010: Moby Dick

Who else? As great as the other nominees in this category were, no one matched the on-screen intensity Bostwick brought to conflicted Captain Ahab. I mean, Gregory Peck played the role to near perfection, not to mention the likes of Patrick Stewart and (upcoming) William Hurt; these were no small shoes ("shoe," I guess is more appropriate) to step into. But Bostwick made the character his own, granting him a fevered passion the likes of which had never been captured by other actors. Plus, he made his own harpoon gun! There is nothing cooler than that. Nothing.





Best Director

Rachel Lee Goldenberg - Sherlock Holmes


This was the toughest category, in my estimation, but when all was said and done, it was the direction by Ms. Goldenberg I found to be the most enjoyable, the most thrilling, and the most stylish. Sherlock Holmes had a look all its own, delightfully Victorian with a healthy dash of steampunk aesthetics that set its helmer just ahead of the pack. Furthermore, her ability to pace and guide what could arguably have been the year's most serpentine and intricate plot is also worth touting. 


Best Feature

2010: Moby Dick

I suppose in the interest of total disclosure I should remind my readers that I have such a devotion to the novel by Herman Melville this film is based on - the greatest novel ever penned by an American - that I have a very tasteful scrimshaw-esque tattoo of said whale on my right forearm. But my body art aside, 2010: Moby Dick was easily the most enjoyable film - for me, at least - of the year. The plot was faithful to the original while establishing a wholly unique world, the acting was top-notch, the FX brutally awesome and the direction, by Mr. Trey Stokes, helped artfully tie all these elements together into a veritable bouquet of a killer whale movie (not Orca, but, you know...). An ambitious undertaking from the get-go, 2010: Moby Dick fired on all cylinders and succeeded on all fronts.



So there you have it, my personal picks for the best of Asylum's 2010 films. Agree with me? Disagree? If so, hold your tongue, because the real winners will be announced tomorrow, noontime here on the West Coast. See you then!

Lovely Ladies of The Asylum vol. 1

I'm not a fool, gentlemen. I know what brings you here, what lures you in, coaxes your hits, some of you at least. It isn't the snarky commentary, or the breaking news, the hard-hitting interviews or deep-digging profiles, no, it's not me at all, is it? I see the keywords from my Google hits, and I know a picture of a pretty lady brings in more readers than the phrase "observation notes." 

Not that I can blame you: The Asylum employs a score of attractive and - more importantly - capable, intelligent and talented actresses well worthy of your search engine adoration. So, to gives my readers something I know they want and would never ask for, I tastefully present a pictorial tribute to some of The Asylum's beautiful leading ladies. Enjoy.

 

Sarah Lieving

Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus
Airline Disaster
Invasion of the Pod People
The Apocalypse
The Hitchhiker
The 9/11 Commission Report
666: The Child
Dracula's Curse
King of the Lost World
The Beast of Bray Road
Frankenstein Reborn
War of the Worlds

Kristen Quintrall

Universal Soliders

Invasion of the Pod People

Transmorphers

The Apocalypse

Supercroc

Erica Roby 

Invasion of the Pod People

The Apocalypse

The Hitchhiker

Halloween Night

The 9/11 Commission Report

Dracula's Curse

Hillside Cannibals

Exorcism: The Possession of Gail Bowers

 

Noel Thurman

 Universal Soldiers

Transmorphers

Supercroc

The 9/11 Commission Report

Dracula's Curse

Exorcism: The Possession of Gail Bowers

The Beast of Bray Road 

Marie Westbrook

Titanic II

100 Million B.C.

Dracula's Curse

Hillside Cannibals

Lindsey McKeon

Airline Disaster

The Land That Time Forgot

And there you have it, six of the finest actresses kind enough to grace the screen in Asylum productions. And yes, gentlemen, that is a "vol. 1" in the headline, meaning there will certainly be future installments. And as for any women reading this blog - I know you're out there, ladies - don't worry, there will be a Gorgeous Gentlemen of The Asylum forthcoming as well; here at Committed, we're for equal-opportunity-ogling.  

observation notes: The Land That Time Forgot

Though there are some that it would tell you this is a tie-in to the Will Ferrell debacle Land of the Lost, in truth it's another stand-alone literary adaptation, based on the novel of the same name by "Tarzan" creator Edgar Rice Burroughs, who The Asylum has adapted before for their Avatar tie-in, Princess of Mars. This novel has also been adapted before, but that was thirty-five years ago, and in that time there's been a significant development in the world of film directing that significantly changes the game and makes it unfair, even rude, to attempt to compare the two; because as good as the Samuel Z. Arkoff-original was, The Asylum has something Arkoff did not - C. Thomas Howell, acting and directing.

The story starts pretty much like "Gilligan's Island:" a small party on a brief ocean tour gets caught up in foul weather that somehow turns them around and strands them on an uncharted island on the other side of a time-rift (this last bit isn't like "Gilligan's Island"). Ashore, however, it's more dangerous than dead-adrift at sea, thanks to the island's prehistoric reptilian inhabitants - a.k.a. dinosaurs - who seem especially eager for the fresh food supply. Some cast members freak out, some are lost as a result, and ultimately, once given a moment to put the pieces together, those who remain of our party figure out that they're quite literally out-of-time. As though this inconceivable threat wasn't enough, C. Tom's trophy wife, who was too chicken to leave the boat so stayed to watch the boat, is gone when the others return to the beach. So is the boat. Thus their mission becomes two-part, survival and recovery, though admittedly most cast members seem far more concerned with the former than the latter.


A day or so into this and our party comes across - rather, he comes across them - a pilot with an unfortunate accessory who's also been stranded on the island, but for a year, and not one that coincides with their years (it's tricky, I'll admit, and kind of confusing, but only depending on how much you've had to drink.). In conversation it comes up that this bloke has seen a boat in the last day or so, and by his description, it's their boat, the boat they've been looking for, the boat C. Tom's arm-candy was last seen lallygagging about. On the way they stop over at the pilot's place, a rather lovely little cave stocked with artifacts and remnants from centuries' worth of stranded sailors, including Conrad, an elderly man claiming to be the skipper of a well-known vessel that disappeared 55 years ago, though Conrad's only been stranded three years (duh-duh-dummmmmmmmm).

As the plot thickens, the journey toward our party's boat continues, as does the terrorizing and killing by prehistoria. It's not a spoiler to say they find their boat, but fuck that, they find something better: a Russian sub. Only problem is, it comes with a lot of fit Russian soldiers, who also happen to have custody of C. Tom's sheets-treat. The rest, however, is spoilers, so I'll stop.


C. Thomas Howell the actor (War of the Worlds, The Da Vinci Treasure), as the elder vacationer, is frenetically in charge once the shit hits the fan, panicked but powerful, an unsteady stalwart a.k.a. a normal hero, not a scientist or a soldier or anything that especially equips him to handle this trauma; he's just a guy trying to stop himself from losing his shit after becoming shipwrecked on the other side of a time-rift on an uncharted island populated by ravenous dinosaurs and Nazis, who have custody of his wife. All this considered, I'd say he holds it together pretty good. As a director (War of the Worlds 2, The Day The Earth Stopped), he's at the top of his game, crafting a slick, concise sci-fi thriller.

Timothy Bottoms (non-Asylum film The Last Picture Show and "That's My Bush") is the grizzled sea captain, a burnt-out Jimmy Buffet, totally bummed to be stranded but, you know, dealing with it. It's this slavish concern, this borderline dementia that gives him a childlike wonder in the face of such horror, dangerously aloof, which makes him the film's most lovable character. 

And then there's Lindsey McKeon (Airline Disaster) as the lady-friend in the other couple, young and tightly-clad but stronger than your usual hottie-in-distress, fiercely sexy and brashly independent, real, palpable, the kind of girl you want with you in a crisis, or, you know, really anywhere: cute, capable, skeptically concerned and charismatic. Oh, and did I mention she's drop dead gorgeous? That helps. My only complaint is that her role should have been bigger.

Other acting standouts include Darren Dalton (The Day the Earth Stopped, War of the Worlds 2 [he must be a buddy of C. Tom's, because besides these films, which, like this one, Dalton wrote, he's also in a movie with C. Tom called The Jailhouse, which also coincidentally, or not, co-stars Lindsey McKeon. I'll be watching that soon and getting back to you with more.]), David Stevens, who plays the Simon Pegg-esque pilot and Patrick Gorman in the role of "Conrad."

I had a lot of fun with this one: the FX are bitchin' from dinos to insects, not drop-dead authentic but playfully believable. The story takes a couple nice turns in keeping with The Asylum's inventive narrative blending, and best of all, let's its action rely not on bloodletting, but on the tension of survival, a plot rich with highs and lows, peril and excitement. Bottom line? Incredible action, a great script, reserved, poignant performances and awesome FX make this one of the most thrilling films The Asylum has produced yet, and easily one of their most enjoyable.

Now if only I can convince them on my pitch for a sequel, The People That Time Forgot...

observation notes: Airline Disaster

So here's the lowdown on Airline Disaster, without ruining the end: it isn't a mockbuster, there's no specific film it's capitalizing on, it's just your basic terrorists-taking-over-a-super-plane-on-its-maiden
-voyage-in-exchange-for-the-release-of-their-terrorist-buddies movie, made atypical by a really neat end that'll get you smiling, guaranteed, and not because it's happy or anything, just when you figure out what they're doing, it makes you smile, slyly.

It's a good story overall, a nice balance of action and intrigue, well-paced and with a couple of hit points that make the plot more than one-note. Point: the super plane's pilot is the President's brother. Double Point: the President's a woman. Triple point: the President is played by Meredith Baxter-no-longer-Birney (the mom from "Family Ties") and the pilot is played by Scott Valentine (Mallory's boyfriend on "Family Ties," also, Carnosaur 3). Weird! Rounding out the cast are some Asylum regulars like Geoff Meed (6 Guns, I Am Omega), Londale Theus (Transmorphers: Fall of Man, 2012: Supernova) and the lovely, talented and ridiculously underused Lindsey McKeon.


Without spoiling anything about the end, I'll just wrap this up by saying all in all, Airline Disaster is a captivating action-thriller on par with any other big-plane-gone-amok film (see Air Force One, Turbulence, Executive Decision, Die Hard 2) and with an ending that might just make you stand up and cheer, depending on how drunk you are. I was pretty drunk. There were tears.

Plus, you get to hear Scott Valentine bellow this line, in reference to his super plane: "Come on, you big beautiful whale!"

Awesome.