New Asylum Titles Announced!

Up on The Asylum page today there's a new title in the "Coming Soon" section, Jack the Giant Killer. Dig the synopsis:

"A giant beanstalk brings Jack to a land in the clouds filled with snarling, evil beasts. When the creatures make their way to the ground, Jack must figure out how to get back down before they destroy earth and everyone in it."

Well that just sounds fucking spectacular. It gets even better when you realize that the film is written and directed by one of The Asylum's most prolific talents, Mark Atkins. This will mark Atkins' (pun definitely intended) 11th turn as director for the studio - 11th - behind such classics as Halloween Night, Haunting of Winchester House, Princess of Mars, Battle of Los Angeles, Dragon Crusaders and Alien Origin. This guy is, as the kids say, the bee's knees. 

The film is set to star Jane March, who earlier this year played the Wicked Queen in Grimm's Snow White, and Ben Cross, best known for playing Barnabus Collins in the 90's "Dark Shadows" relaunch, and Spock's dad in J.J. Abrams' Star Trek movie. 

The film drops March 12, 2013, 10 days after Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant SLAYER hits theaters. And in case you're thinking "lawsuit," nope, there was another film called Jack the Giant Killer made back in 1962, and there are similarly-themed fairy tales in Cornish, Welsh, and Norse cultures, among others. Boo-ya!

But wait, there's more - 500 MPH Storm: "When an energy experiment goes haywire, a rash of massive hurricanes rips across North America. A high school science teacher must get his family to safety before the hurricanes merge, creating a "hypercane" with the power to wipe the US off the map."

This one's from director Daniel Lusko and writer Hank Woon Jr., and stars...wait for it...CASPER VAN DIEN! That's right, Johnny Rico himself has FINALLY graced an Asylum flick! Also starring is Michael Beach, best known for "Third Watch." The film streets February 26th.

Also announced, a DVD date for Abducted (aka Layover), the studio's latest Lifetime Movie: January 8th. The film stars Lauren Holly (Dumb and Dumber, Picket Fences), Kaylee DeFer (Gossip Girl) and Joe Lando (Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Meteor Apocalypse); it was written by the always-excellent Naomi Selfman (Mega Python vs Gatoroid, Grimm's Snow White) and directed by R.D. Braunstein.

Whew! Happy Early New Year, Asylum-style.

observation notes: BIKINI SPRING BREAK

There would be some who might say the spring break movie is a well-trod and well-mined sub-genre of teen sex comedies, and that nothing new can be found there. To those people may I direct you to The Asylum's Bikini Spring Break, on DVD now, which manages to not only breathe new life into the category, but also manages a few new tricks along the way.

First things first, the plot: "A group of coeds from a small conservative college break out of their shells when their marching band bus breaks down in Ft. Lauderdale during Spring Break."

Simple enough, right? The best things in life are. Now, in the interest of remaining spoiler-free, I won't delve into plot specifics, other than to say BSB hits all the right notes. You have to wait perhaps 2.7 seconds for the first wave of nudity, which I believe might be a new Asylum record. Already things are off to a stellar start. 

The film is laced with inventive gags that reaffirm everything society prays is true about buxom college girls: they love to be naked, especially in the company of each other, and are itching for sexual experimentation. There's a real 80's sex-comedy vibe running through this, updated for today's raunchier standards, and it helps to create an endearing cast of characters you don't just want to see naked, you also want to see them triumph. BSB is like an actually-good American Pie sequel, or Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise with female main characters (which, all apologies to the excellent Robert Carradine, woulda been cooler). And it has perhaps the greatest jello wrestling scene in all of cinema, shot in stunning slo-mo that reveals the beauty within the brutality of it all.

As for that endearing cast of characters, while all of the women are near-perfect for their roles - Samantha Stewart as the bossy, neurotic, hotter "Jessie-Spano" type "Whitney," Virginia Petrucci as the doe-eyed and bawdily naive "Zoe," Jamie Noel as spoiled-princess type "Franny" (nice Salinger nod), Erin O'Brien as the abrupt and gruff "Michelle" and Rachel Alig as blissfully daft, sweet-as-sugar "Alice" - it's Alig, for me at least, that really stood out; it's a funny role and she's funny in it, admittedly funnier than I was expecting. Other standouts in supporting roles include Erica Duke as the anti-spring break good girl "Constance" and Johnathan Nation as the pitch-perfect exasperated dean of the girls' community college. There's also a handsome mechanic to watch out for.


All in all then, writer/director Jared Cohn has turned in another fine effort: BSB is smarter than your average sex comedy, its tongue firmly in cheek, ripe with loveable characters and rife with scintillating scenarios that will keep fans of the genre - and of beautiful women - more than transfixed. Utterly rewatchable. Who knows, maybe this could become The Asylum's first comedy franchise? I'd watch six more of these.


Bikini Spring Break  is on DVD right this instant. Go get it.

GRIMM'S SNOW WHITE on DVD Today!!!

Mirror mirror, on the wall, what the most awesome film on DVD today of all? 

A cumbersome opening, to be sure, but the long and short of it is, today, The Asylum's latest production introduces itself to the world via DVD/Blu-Ray/VOD: Grimm's Snow White.

Simply scroll down a few inches to find my notes on the film, which overall I thoroughly enjoyed as an intelligent, thrilling, fantastical twist on the fairy tale. GSW stars the lovely and talented Eliza Bennett as the titular princess, Jane March as her wicked and vain stepmother, and Jamie Thomas King as the charming Prince. 

Written by Naomi Selfman (Mega Python vs Gatoroid, 18 Year Old Virgin) and directed by Rachel Goldenberg (Sherlock Holmes, Princess and the Pony) - two of the Asylum's best, in my humble opinion - this one's a guaranteed good time, but don't take my word for it, I'm biased as hell, go see for yourself then spread the word!

observation notes: GRIMM'S SNOW WHITE

For their next release - Grimm's Snow White, on DVD this coming Tuesday - The Asylum has gotten their fingers on the classic fairy tale and given it their own personal twist, which naturally includes murder, mayhem and tremendous monsters. Dig the plot: 

When the King is killed by ferocious reptile beasts, his Queen takes control of the kingdom. She tries to kill her beautiful stepdaughter SNOW, but she escapes into the enchanted forest...

In my continuing effort to not spoil films when I review them, I won't go much deeper into the plot except to say that this ain't your little sister's Snow White, not by a long shot.

The film is anchored with vibrant performances from its leads, including Eliza Bennett as the titular princess, who tackles the role as potent yet naive, as beautiful and elegant as a princess should be, but with the hidden soul of a warrior. Jane March as the Wicked Queen is delightfully deceitful and eloquently two-faced; this lady enters a room, it goes stone cold. And Jamie Thomas in the role of the Prince is indeed charming, but more than that he is steadfast and honest, a true prince among knaves, not blinded by his privileged existence but rather impassioned by it, and eager to serve the world. 


The script, from Asylum vet Naomi Selfman, retains all the classic elements of the original story, only now with utterly-Asylum updates, most notably the inclusion of said ferocious reptile beasts, and an interesting take on the dwarfs. The result is an epic yet intimate fairy tale on steroids, its more horrifying points amped to the Nth degree. This is Snow White like you never imagined it, the antithesis to the raven-haired, doe-eyed heroine of your childhood; this is dark, brutal, and awesome.

The direction from Rachel Goldenberg, another Asylum vet, is sweeping and elegiac, as Goldenberg makes wonderful use of the beauty and inherent spookiness of the British countryside, formulating the perfect fairy tale setting. Her work, teamed with that of the VFX department - who have hit it out of the park yet again, as far as I'm concerned - creates a film perhaps best described as a period-piece creature-feature, a Merchant-Ivory flick with work from Ray Harryhausen, or The Princess Bride as written by H.P. Lovecraft.

Overall then, if you're looking for a fantastical, frightening twist on a beloved childhood treasure, this is the version for you. Check it out for yourself this coming Tuesday, the 13th, when Grimm's Snow White hits DVD.

inmate reprofile: Naomi Selfman

Continuing my pledge to spotlight the creative forces behind the impending release of the promising Grimm's Snow White, here's another inmate profile, though shrouded in a tad bit of mystery. 

Naomi Selfman, the scribe behind this impending classic, has written eight films for The Asylum, yet there's virtually no information about her online. This picture is the best I could find, and I only found that when out of frustration I Googled "mystery woman." Could be that "Naomi Selfman" is a pen name for another writer, or it could be that Ms. Selfman is just a digitally private person? Either way, the only purported sighting of her is said to come in the making-of featurette for her first script for The Asylum, the horror film Evil Eyes, but I didn't have immediate access to that when I wrote this.

Whoever she is, Ms. Selfman has time and again illustrated her ability to work across genres - be it horror, comedy, sci-fi or creature features - and turn in compelling, convincing, empathetic and exciting stories every time out. 

After Evil Eyes, Ms. Selfman took a four-year hiatus from screenwriting before contributing the story for the Faith Films epic 2012: Doomsday. Since then, it's been full-steam ahead for Ms. Selfman, writing six scripts in three years: the other raucous sex comedies 18 Year-Old Virgin and #1 Cheerleader Camp, the two biggest creature features of the last year, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, then Barely Legal, and now Grimm's Snow White.



I've got a lot of favorites when it comes to The Asylum - that should be annoying obvious by now - and the work of Ms. Selfman is among them. As a writer, I'm envious of her versatility; as an Asylum freak, I'm excited every time her name pops up. Team her up with a director like Rachel Goldenberg, and Grimm's Snow White is oozing with promise.

Get excited with me on March 13th, when Grimm's Snow White pops up on DVD.

creature feature: Virginity

In all Asylum movies, there is an enemy to be defeated. Sometimes that enemy is a monstrous creature running amok in a populous area; sometimes it's a crazed genius at the helm of a fiendish plot for world domination/destruction; sometimes it's a psycho or a supernatural being with a penchant for nubile women; sometimes it's an extraterrestrial lifeform or object whose arrival spells doom; and sometimes, in the cases of films like The 18 Year Old Virgin and Barely Legal, it is that most heinous of curses, the most affronting of affronts - your virginity.

In both these films - both written, by the way, by Naomi Selfman - and many other teenage sex comedies, virginity is a thing that must be slain, a thing to purge oneself of in order to insure normal, healthy personal development, and of course, lots of sex. In most creature features, this is the part where I would describe the creature in question, it's schematics and parameters, abilities and weaknesses; that's a little hard to do with virginity - it's just a thing about you that's there until it isn't, and getting rid of it, "killing" it, if you will, is relatively easy, depending on how you rate a variety of factors including appearance, willingness, standards and proximity to partners with comparable ratings. Yet it remains a hard and fast (pardon the pun) tenet of young adulthood: getting laid ain't easy. Even if, if 18 Year Old Virgin and Barely Legal are to be believed, you're a smoking hot chick.

In both films, women decide their still-intact virginities need to be done away with at the very first legal opportunity, their 18th birthdays. All sorts of sexy hi-jinks ensue in their quest to obtain a dong for the deed, and in the end, it's realized that sex and love, while of course highly compatible, can come separately with varying degrees of physical and emotional satisfaction. But they still hit it, so, problem solved.


Losing one's virginity, to some people, could be considered the most significant rite of passage there is; it certainly cannot be argued by anyone, no matter their beliefs, that it is one of the more intensely personal experiences a person can go through, and thus it is to be expected that pursuing this experience can sometimes reach fervent heights. That's why we have these movies, not to mention American Pie, The Last American Virgin, Losin' It, Porky's, Superbad, The Virginity Hit, Can't Hardly Wait, Twilight and, of course, The 40 Year Old Virgin. The conclusion? Virginity is to comedies as Nazis are to war movies: the ultimate villain.

Ooh, pitch idea: Virgins at the Center of the Earth, a sort of Vernesian Blue Lagoon/Land of the Lost thing about college kids on a church trip - the whole purity-ring crowd - whose bus falls into a crevice opened by a localized earthquake. Instead of dying in a fiery blaze as logic would dictate, they fall into an inner-earth paradise from which they can't escape. As the months wear on, the promises of the surface world fall away as passions flare. But you know, funny.

COMMITTED EXCLUSIVE: A Look at the Opening VFX for GRIMM'S SNOW WHITE!!!

There are still two Asylum films slated for release in 2011 - Zombie Apocalypse and Amityville Haunting - but already the studio's 2012 slate is filling up quick: 2 Headed Shark Attack, Air Collision, Celebrity Sex Tape, Nazis at the Center of the Earth and Battleships are already in production or in post. But the film I think a lot of people are super-excited for is Grimm's Snow White, a creepier, more creature-centric look at one of the world's most homogenized (and thus in dire need of a reworking such as this) fairy tales.

In the plot description, "ferocious reptile beasts" are said to play a major role and now, courtesy of the fine, fine folks over at The Asylum, I have a very brief clip of the film's opening VFX sequence. Dig it:

Pretty, pretty, pretty rad stuff here. That thing looks like a mega-komodo (TM) with a longer, more versatile neck. Joseph Lawson - who is directing for the first tome in 2012, Nazis at the Center of the Earth - and The Asylum's VFX team have been blowing it up this year. I know I say that every opportunity I get, so if it's getting old, too bad, because the team just keeps giving me opportunities. With a script by Naomi Selfman (MSvC, MPvG), direction from Rachel Goldenberg (Sherlock Holmes) and visual effects like these, you can bet this is not your little sister's Snow White.


The film hits DVD on February 28th, 2012. Try and wait best you can.

First Stills From Grimm's Snow White!!!

There's been an array of info pertaining to new projects coming out of The Asylum these last several days, and today proved no exception: behold the first production stills from next year's Grimm's Snow White.

This is easily The Asylum film that I'm most looking forward to in 2012 (besides one I wrote), based solely on the talent behind the camera: director Rachel Goldenberg (Sherlock Holmes, The Princess and the Pony) and writer Naomi Selfman (Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Python vs Gatoroid) Both of these people are among the best The Asylum employs, and rank high on my personal list of greats: Ms. Selfman's scripts are smart, funny, thrilling and rife with memorable moments, and Ms. Goldenberg's direction - as proved in spades from these stellar stills - is taut, atmospheric, fantastical and utterly captivating. These two talents working together, then, my expectations go through the roof for this one, and this first look at the production only strengthens that conviction.

Grimm's Snow White stars Jane March, Jamie Thomas King and Eliza Bennett (above) as Snow. Grab it on DVD March 13, 2012.

First Details on Grimm's Snow White!!!

It was only yesterday that word broke The Asylum was going to be entering production on a new flick Grimm's Snow White, and now today, we have cast and crew info!

First things first, the premise:

When the King is killed by ferocious reptile beasts, his Queen takes control of the kingdom. She tries to kill her beautiful stepdaughter SNOW, but she escapes into the enchanted forest...


Honestly, they had me at "ferocious reptile beasts." Score.


Now for the cast: it's uncertain who's playing who, but The Asylum has enlisted Jane March - best known for 1992's The Lover and most recently of Clash of the Titans, in which she played Hestia - Eliza Bennett - of Inkheart, Nanny McPhee and most recently the SyFy original Roadkill - and Jamie Thomas King, of "The Tudors" and the upcoming John Le Carre adaptation Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Conventional wisdom would tell us that March will be the Wicked Stepmother, Bennett Snow and King some version of the Huntsman. But again folks, this is The Asylum: who knows what kind of fable-bending tricks they have up their sleeves?


What gets me most excited for this one, however, is who's behind the scenes. The script is from the uber-talented Naomi Selfman (#1 Cheerleader Camp, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Python vs Gatoroid) and will be directed by Rachel Goldenberg, another inmate with talent to spare (Sherlock Holmes, Princess and the Pony). Both of these women are among my favorite contributors to The Asylum; if I had Selfman's filmography I'd make it into a t-shirt and Goldenberg has perhaps the most innovative, interesting and unique eye of all Asylum directors. With these two working together, we are guaranteed an intelligent, mesmerizing, action-packed and gorgeous film. 


Prepare your loved one now, because this bad boy drops Valentine's Day (2/14) of next year.

MSvC on SyFy !!!

Just a reminder, my fellow faithfully-committed, that this Saturday night, August 20th, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus will be getting its World Television Premiere on SyFy at 9pm. That gives The Asylum yet another shot at claiming the SyFy Original Movie ratings record of 3.12 million viewers set by Lake Placid 2 a few years back. In recent years films have come close - Lake Placid 3 (directed by Asylum-alum Griff Furst) garnered 3 million viewers, Sharktopus brought in 2.5 last year, and Swamp Shark (also directed by Furst) was watched by 2.2 million viewers. 

So as you can see, creature features bring them in. Three of the four highest-rated SyFy original movies of the last year involve either sharks, or crocodiles. That fourth movie? Mega Python vs Gatoroid, which drew 2.35 million viewers. Add all this up and the only answer is that come Sunday morning, the ratings crown could very well be sitting on The Asylum's handsome head.

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus was directed by Christopher Ray (Almighty Thor, currently shooting 2 Headed Shark Attack, off a script I wrote based on a story by Ed DeRuiter) and written by Naomi Selfman (Barely Legal, Mega Python vs Gatoroid), two of the best in The Asylum's stable, and stars the incomparable Jaleel White alongside Asylum-mainstay Sarah Lieving and the formidable Gary Stretch. And oh yeah, there's a Star Trek dude in it too, Robert Picardo.

So let's see...we got a shark, a crocodile - both massive - Jaleel White and a Trekkie? What more could SyFy fans possibly want? Tell everyone you know this is going down, Tweet this post, blog it, Facebook it, do whatever non-word verb goes with Google+ it - anything you can to get the word out and the people tuned in. This Saturday night, 9pm, SyFy, a great, fun, highly explosive flick, the stuff of B-movie gold, is gonna be all up on your television; don't miss it!

Barely Legal on DVD Today!!!

Today's the day, my fellow faithfully-committed, that the latest Asylum release hits the streets: Barely Legal, the studio's latest sex comedy from the pen of the uber-talented Naomi Selfman, the eye of Jose Montesinos and starring Jeneta St.Clair, Melissa Johnson and Lisa Younger.

You can scroll down a little ways for my notes on the film, or, if that's too strenuous, you can take my word for it that if you like sexy comedies, you will find a lot to treasure about Barely Legal: hot babes in lascivious situations wearing hardly anything.  

And, as if that wasn't enough, the film's previews include the first teaser trailer for A Haunting in Salem, the horror film I wrote, Shane Van Dyke directed and a slew of actors lead by Bill Oberst Jr brought to life. The film was originally set to street in August, but has since been re-scheduled for October 4th, a far scarier time of year. More on that to come...

observation notes: Barely Legal

As far as plotlines go, sex comedies aren't usually too high concept - typically it's just some dude trying to get laid. But in this latest release from The Asylum, this basic premise is tripled and given a gender twist in the form of three lovely young ladies and lifelong BFFs who make a vow to each lose their virginity on their shared 18th birthdays. The result is a funny, saucy, scintillating and titillating film that delivers everything it promises: sex, sex and sex.

The three leads - Jeneta St. Clair, Lisa Younger and Melissa Johnson - are relative newcomers with promising chops, each bringing a distinct personality to her virgin-in-longing: Johnson, "Sue," is the brainy conservative with just enough religious conviction to believe in saving herself, but enough religious repression to really need a bang; St. Clair, "Cheryl," is the film's control character, the good-girl-next-door ready to give her virginity to the fella she loves, making her also the film's emotional center; Younger, "Lexi," who is seriously the horniest, most promiscuous virgin in cinematic history, but not in a bad-girl way, more in a sinfully-curious way. Each actress pulls off her role with aplomb, but special kudos go to Younger for her comedic timing, Johnson for her endearing neuroses, and St. Clair for her immediate and constant likability.

The script, from Naomi Selfman (18 Year Old Virgin, #1 Cheerleader Camp, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Python vs Gatoroid) is spot-on in terms of comedy and sexiness. Furthermore, while the female-centric romantic comedy is a tried and true genre, Ms. Selfman and The Asylum over the last few years have been mastering the female-centric sex comedy, a truly awesome thing. This might be about chicks, but dudes will find plenty to enjoy.

Decide for yourself this Tuesday when Barely Legal hits the streets on DVD. Oh yeah, and as an added bonus, dig the first teaser trailer for A Haunting in Salem, the film I wrote, in the DVD's previews. More on this to come...

inmate profile: Naomi Selfman

Continuing my pledge to spotlight the creative forces behind next week's release of the promisingly-raunchy Barely Legal, here's another inmate profile, though shrouded in a tad bit of mystery. Naomi Selfman, the scribe behind this impending laugh-riot, has written half a dozen films for The Asylum, yet there's virtually no information about her online. This picture is the best I could find, and I only found that when out of frustration I Googled "mystery woman." Could be that "Naomi Selfman" is a pen name for another writer, or it could be that Ms. Selfman is just a digitally private person? Either way, the only purported sighting of her is said to come in the making-of featurette for her first script for The Asylum, the horror film Evil Eyes, but I didn't have immediate access to that when I wrote this.

Whoever she is, Ms. Selfman has time and again illustrated her ability to work across genres - be it horror, comedy, sci-fi or creature features - and turn in compelling, convincing, empathetic and exciting stories every time out. 

After Evil Eyes, Ms. Selfman took a four-year hiatus from screenwriting before contributing the story for the Faith Films epic 2012: Doomsday. Since then, it's been full-steam ahead for Ms. Selfman, writing five scripts in two years: the other raucous sex comedies 18 Year-Old Virgin and #1 Cheerleader Camp, the two biggest creature features of the last year, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, and of course, Barely Legal.



I've got a lot of favorites when it comes to The Asylum - that should be annoying obvious by now - and the work of Ms. Selfman is among them. As a writer (A Haunting in Salem, out 10/4/11), I'm envious of her versatility; as an Asylum freak, I'm excited every time her name pops up.

Get excited with me next Tuesday, when Barely Legal pops up on DVD.

Barely Legal Gets a Poster!

After Almighty Thor, then Ballistica, then 2012: Ice Age, The Asylum's next film will be the super sexy comedy Barely Legal, starring relative newcomers Jeneta St. Clair, Melissa Johnson and Lisa Younger, and directed by Jose Montesinos from a script by Naomi Selfman (#1 Cheerleader Camp, 18 Year-Old Virgin).

The film concerns three lifelong female BFFs (played by the above-mentioned triumvirate of hotties) who attempt to do the impossible: lose their virginity.

Anywho, this certain laugh-riot finally got its poster, and here it is:

 

Love that tag line. If you can't read it, it says: "Presents Aren't The Only Thing They're Unwrapping." I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I think the other thing these scantily-clad women are meant to be unwrapping are prophylactics. If so, kudos: there's nothing sexier than being safe.

Find out if these three social misfits can pop their collective cherry this summer, July 26th, to be precise, when Barely Legal delights your DVD player.

And Just Like That...Barely Legal Stills

Lisa Younger, Melissa Johnson, Jeneta St. Clair in Barely Legal

I've been following The Asylum for quite a while now, and I'm never any less impressed or surprised at just how quickly they work. Take Barely Legal for example. Two weeks ago, we didn't know it existed; then when we did, all we knew was that it was being written by Naomi Selfman; then, only yesterday they revealed the cast and crew for the film; now TODAY they're reporting that production has wrapped and they're presenting us with the first bevy of still, available here. 

From the looks of things, this is one lively, colorful and thankfully-pool-set comedy. And from the looks of the cast, only three words come to mind: homina homina homina. The streets of California, apparently, are paved with nubile hotties; god bless America.

Barely Legal - about three female lifelong BFFs determined to each lose their virginity for their 18th birthdays - drops on DVD this July 26th, and on The Asylum's post to these stills there's a bit of advice at the end that I'll reproduce here, though I'm not yet sure what it means:

"Get out the peanut butter and Saran wrap."

Done and done.

Barely Legal Details Revealed

Younger

You'll remember a couple weeks ago the news broke that The Asylum had another sex comedy in the pipeline, but at the time it was announced, all that was known of the film was that is was written by the uber-talented Naomi Selfman (#1 Cheerleader Camp, MSvC, MPvG). Well, now over at the film's webpage, further details have at last been revealed.

St. Clair

Barely Legal will be the directorial feature debut of Jose Montesinos, an editor on MSvC, and will star newcomers Jeneta St. Clair, Lisa Younger and Melissa Johnson as the trio of lifelong BFFs determined to lose their virginity together (not together, but, you know, in the same time frame).

Johnson?

Barely Legal hits DVD on July 26th of this year.

observation notes: Evil Eyes

This film marks a pair of big debuts: not only is it the first film directed by Mark Atkins (Battle of Los Angeles, Haunting of Winchester House, Halloween Night, etc.), it is also the first film written by Naomi Selfman (Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, #1 Cheerleader Camp, upcoming Barely Legal). And as debut go, on both accounts, Evil Eyes is a good showcase of two burgeoning talents destined for B-movie greatness.

When a screenwriter (Adam Baldwin, "Firefly") is hired by an ominous producer (Udo Kier, Andy Warhol's Dracula and Frankenstein, Suspiria, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) to write a film about a real-life slaughtered family, things get fer-reaky when the grisly murders he scripts begin to happen in the real world. 

I was surprised to find this film much more cerebral than I expected. That's not a slam or anything, I just expected a high-octane relentless assault of gore and violence, and what I got was a suspensefully-paced intellectual thriller with supernatural undertones.

Adam Baldwin as the screenwriter was his usual gruff, gritty, and unapologetically-independent self. And just as this attitude made him a formidable space mercenary, it is also an appropriate balance of brashness and swagger for a big-time Hollywood screenwriter (I don't actually know any to verify this, but I trust what the movies tell me about the people who make them.).

As for Udo Kier, what can I say about this true cinematic treasure that hasn't been said a million times before? I don't know what it is - his creepiness, his charm, his thick accent, the copious amounts of turtlenecks he wears - but there's something about this guy that  have always liked; he's like a European Steve Buscemi. Here he inhabits the role of producer as militantly fragile, commanding but not in command, if that makes any sense whatsoever. He might be a little stiff in scenes, but his mere presence makes a scene foreboding, so, mission accomplished.

Rounding out the cast is a Ms. Jennifer Gates as AB's long-time GF. This was Ms. Gates first film as well (and in fact one of only two features she's been in), but she never came across as a rookie to me, holding her own in scenes with the more accomplished actors. She played the part as diligently doting but never docile; she was sweet, demure, dangerously devoted and overall endearing.

In a nutshell, then, I found this one to be an great concept - a kind of In The Mouth of Madness Asylum-style - that builds its suspense well, is always thrilling while not resorting to the cheap and easy scares, and is definitely a smarter-than-average-axe-murderer-movie. The film is subtle, restrained and savvy, in script and direction. Add some truly inventive kills and well-developed characters and the result is an above-average thriller. If it was my studio, I would have given Atkins and Selfman copious work as well; these two are true All-Stars.

What else can I say? Let's see...there are shades, in my opinion, of Lost Highway, to the point the word "Lynchian" is even in the script, and it totally works in this surreal, cerebral, non-linear-yet-frightening-cohesive film. 

There are hidden gems in the Asylum's catalog, and I fell as though I may have just discovered the brightest one.

Interesting News From the SyFy Upfronts

So, the SyFy upfronts went down this week - the event where they announce all their upcoming programming - and while there's lots of interesting stuff here, the most interesting has to be under the heading of Saturday Original Movies, where they reveal not one but TWO new Asylum projects for the fall.

Project One: "Zombie Apocalypse (working title) -- October 2011 -- Months after a zombie plague has wiped out 90 percent of the American population, a small group of survivors fight their way cross-country to a rumored refuge on the island of Catalina" 

Project Two: "Bigfoot - 2012 -- 1970's pop culture icons Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family) and Barry Williams (The Brady Bunch) face off in the hunt for the legendary mountain creature."

Do I even need to mention how awesome both of these films sound? I mean, really, a freaking bigfoot movie with Greg Brady and Danny Partridge? If my soul has a tattoo, I'm pretty sure it's an image from this movie.


No pages or mentions of these over at The Asylum site for the moment, but I'm sure more information will be coming soon. With the recent announcement of Naomi Selfman's Barely Legal and info on Born Bad, the second half of the Asylum's year is starting to come into focus. And so far, it looks pretty awesome!

At Long Last - Born Bad Details! Plus Another New Title!!!

Big news from The Asylum today on two new titles. I'm just gonna jump right in:

So this one's been on The Asylum's coming soon list for a long time, and now, finally, we have some details on the movie that will be...Born Bad.

The film is written and directed by Jared Cohn (left), a 4-time Asylum acting veteran - Alien Abduction, Way of the Vampire, Legion of the Dead and Halloween Night. This will be Mr. Cohn's first stint behind the camera for The Asylum. 

The plot is described as such:

"When a rebellious girl from a good family falls for the town drifter, she unwittingly brings a psychopath into her loving home."

It's a classic tale - good girl falls for the bad boy that tears her world apart - and I can't wait to see what The Asylum's take on it will be.

Furthermore, some of the cast was revealed, and there look to be a couple of big names there: Meredith Monroe ("Andy McPhee" from "Dawson's Creek) and David Chokachi ("Cody" [not "Hobie"] from "Baywatch") look to be our leads, supported by Bonnie Dennison of "Guiding Light" - most likely as the "rebellious girl" - and Michael Welch, who if I'm pegging the right Michael Welch, has starred in all the Twilight movies, but I best remember him as either the geeky brother in "Joan of Arcadia," or as the outsider love interest in the wonderful and horrifically under-appreciated (to the point it has no DVD release) All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. He's most likely playing the "town drifter," which I find quite intriguing. This is, in my opinion, is a pretty strong cast, and one of the more interesting Asylum ensembles of late. And the fact that this looks to be a straight-up thriller - no supernatural evil, no creatures, no robots or aliens - is also intriguing to me. We haven't seen one of these from The Asylum since - by their own classification - 2008's Evil. It's a while before this one streets - November 8 - but all indications are it'll be well worth the wait.

UPDATE: via Twitter I just learned that Bill Oberst Jr - the nasty carnival owner from Princess and the Pony - has secured a role in the film. This only sweetens the deal for me, as he was my favorite part of P&P.

And then as though this wasn't enough, the fine folks over at The Asylum have set up another page for another new title: Barely Legal. Quite obviously a sex comedy, there's not a lot of info on this one as of yet - no cast or director known - but we do know it's written by the amazingly versatile and talented Naomi Selfman, whose writing credits for The Asylum thus far include not only The 18 Year Old Virgin and #1 Cheerleader Camp, but also Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. Ms. Selfman seems to be the all-star in The Asylum's writing stable right now - she's kinda like Will Rogers: she never met a script she couldn't write - so even with a limited glimpse at the plot - "Sue, Cheryl, and Lexi--all freshman in college--have been friends forever (their moms met in the hospital). Every year, they do something special to celebrate their birthday, and this year, on their eighteenth, they're determined to lose their virginity" - you already know from the presence of Ms. Selfman that this one's going to be titillating and hilarious. No release date as of yet, but, as you know by now, as soon as I learn something, you learn something.

Mega Python Gets a DVD Date!

It's the most asked question of the year (at least in certain circles): when will Mega Python vs Gatoroid be released on DVD?

The answer is now upon us: June 21st, 2011.

So mark your calenders now for the DVD event of the summer: the release of a truly spectacular creature feature from the fine folks at The Asylum.