Asylum Should-Stars #4

Here at Committed, I'm always looking for ways to prolong my love affair with Asylum blogging. I've done inmate profiles - spotlights on Asylum personnel - and I've done pitches - shameless attempts to get hired in marketing/development - but now, I'm melding the best of these features into one, amalgamated column: the awkwardly-named Asylum Should-Stars, in which I present actors/actresses/other cultural figures I think would make lovely additions to the Asylum's stable of performers. More mindless fun to wile away your workday! Let's dive right in, shall we?

Name: William Zabka

Best Known For: The Karate Kid, Just One of The Guys, Back to School, National Lampoon's European Vacation

Plays: Pretty-boy jerks; bullies; over-athleticised heartthrobs, but all back in the day; nowadays he could be a rugged adventurer, a sleazy tycoon, or a concerned father-type.

Could Be Cast As: hey, if they got Martin Kove in Ballistica, surely there's some other political-action flick with a role for Zabka. Or perhaps a creature feature; guy's got experience from two Python movies. Whatever the role, he'd make a fine addition to The Asylum's stable of blonde leading men (re: Christopher Atkins, William Katt, Shane van Dyke)

Name: Jewel Staite


Best Known For: "Firefly," Serenity, "Stargate: Atlantis", SyFy Original Movie Mothman

Plays: sexier-than-hell tomboy-ish girls next door; doe-eyed innocents; damsels getting themselves out of distress.

Could Be Cast As: anything female. The love for Ms. Staite among sci-fi and specifically SyFy fans practically guarantees success once she's attached, no matter what the film's about. But for argument's sake, she could play the love interest/rival figure to any leading man in a disaster, sci-fi or creature flick. A terrorized vacationer in 2 Headed Shark Attack, perhaps, or as a robotics engineer in the as-yet-and-probably-won't-be-conceived Transmorphers 3: Wish You Here*

Name: Michael J. Anderson


Best Known For: "Twin Peaks," "Carnivale"


Plays: mysterious figures that at first frightens but ultimately seems to want to serve the forces of good


Could Be Cast As: a whole slew of supporting characters, from wizards or other such bewitched figures in a fantasy epic, to a caretaker/groundskeeper/local lore-keeper/ some other such oddly benevolent character seeking to warn newcomers of an ancient evil in a horror or creature flick, a mischievous old man in a family-friendly film. 








*check the name of the real film and then you might get my lame attempt at a humorous subtitle

outside the walls: Non-Asylum Inkings

So I'll admit it, there are films not produced by The Asylum. There always have been, always will be. These glasses I wear are not rose-colored. They are clear, and occasionally smudged with fingerprints. A sampling of non-Asylum films due soon and news that might spark the interest of Asylum fans. Just remember, Sweet 'n Low ain't Sugar.

Mothman Mini-Review

I had the fortune of catching this 2010 SyFy release based on the same - albeit differently realized - legend behind The Mothman Prophecies; whereas the other film posits the being as a benevolent, if creepy and shrill, spirit who manifests itself to humans in places of and before great tragedy, such as the bridge collapse in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, in this particular film the Mothman is a spirit of vengeance, attaining justice for the very specific offense of murder gotten-away-with. The spirit is still confined to Point Pleasant, where apparently there are enough unsolved murders to satiate it.

Anywho, the film opens with 3 couples, school chums (including "Firefly" uber-hottie-next-door Jewel Staite), cavorting and drinking down by the local river. When a prank (conveniently utilizing the mothman myth) results in the accidental drowning of a young boy, the group decides, of course, not to "ruin the rest of our lives" by reporting the death, and thus cover it up by each smashing the dead boy in the head with a rock, you know, just so they're all nice and guilty. Flash forward ten years when a newspaper assignment sends journalist Jewel home again, where she is reunited with her old partners in crime just in time for the Mothman to begin enacting his vengeance.

Overall, I suppose it was a neat take on the legend - the turning of this caveat spirit into one of lethal justice - that gave an interesting spin to the hidden-groupcrime story, kind of like I Know What You Did in Mothman Country Ten Years Ago. The FX I really enjoyed; the mothman looked like a shadowy Frightener, and never came across - to me, at least - as overtly or obviously CGI. Jewel Staite just charms you even more, if that's possible.

Taken together, these elements make Mothman worth a watch, should you happen to be near SyFy when it's on, because as of yet there's no date for a DVD release. Jewel has a problem with that.


Mega-Shark-Ripoff Hauls in Major Ratings

It's true, the Roger Corman-backed SyFy original movie Sharktopus  raked in some major ratings when it premiered last Saturday night, 2.5 million viewers, to be precise. This made it a major player on cable for the week, trumping both the most recent episode of "Mad Men" on AMC and the season premiere of "Dexter," which still brought in it's highest ratings for a premiere episode to date.

What in the world does this mean? you might be asking yourself. It means people love sharks, they just fucking love them, everything about them - marveling at them, respecting them, fearing them - and why not? They're perfect, the most evolved species on the planet, and yes, I'm including us in that assessment. People love sharks, always have, always will. Too bad Sharktopus sucks. I mean it's lousy. Neat FX, sure, interesting concept, I guess, but the story, like the last Corman-shark-outing, Dinoshark was shit, and the dialogue worse. Eric Roberts is better than this, goddamnit. And if he's willing to do this tripe, I think he'd be damn proud to come over to The Asylum and make some quality creature features; there's a mega-something with his name all over it.

For those of you who tuned in and were as disappointed as I, join me in baited breath for the December 21st DVD release of Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus. It's going to be okay.


Red: Werewolf Hunter Trailer Released

SyFy dropped their latest original trailer last weeks for the upcoming Red: Werewolf Hunter, starring Felicia Day ("Buffy...," "Dr. Horrible...," "The Guild," ahem). The film, best I can tell, revolves around Felicia("Red")'s family, secret werewolf hunters and the combination of revealing themselves to the world through Felicia's boyfriend and some new kind of werwolf that threatens all they know. Check out the trailer here, then tune in to SyFy, Saturday night, October 30th, to see how it all goes down.