outside the walls: Non-Asylum Inklings

I recognize that not all great films are made exclusively by The Asylum and that, in fact, there's a whole world of film outside these walls, some of which might actually interest Asylum fans, when they're not watching or re-watching Asylum films, of course. And, being as I'm only looking out for your viewing well-being, here's a peek at some other DVD releases this month which might satiate you between Asylum releases. But remember, as always. Sweet n' Low ain't sugar.


Feb. 1

 Chain Letter

 Hatchet II

 Let Me In

 Monsters

 Lorna the Exorcist

Quantum Apocalypse
written by Leigh Scott
directed by Justin Jones
starring Rhett Giles, Kristen Quintrall 










Feb. 8

 I Spit on Your Grave

 My Soul to Take

 Ong Bak 3

 Paranormal Activity 2

 Tesis Special Edition













Feb. 15

 Death Tube 2

The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu









National Lampoon's Dirty Movie

Feb. 22

The 7th Hunt

 Alien vs Ninja

 The Guild - Season 4

 The Killing Jar

 Psych 9

outside the walls: Non-Asylum Inkings

Director Griff Furst (Universal Soldiers, I Am Omega, 100 Million BC and non-Asylum Wolvesbayne and Lake Placid 3) has revealed the poster for his upcoming SyFy movie Swamp Shark, starring D.B. Sweeney (Fire in the Sky, The Cutting Edge), the lovely Kristy Swanson (Buffy, Red Water) and Robert Davi (upcoming Asylum flick Ballistica). 

Big ole' creature somewhere it shouldn't be? Check.

Eye candy? Check.

Grizzled B-veteran? Check.

Sounds like Mr. Furst has assembled everything he needs for a fun, thrilling Saturday night. Though no premiere date has been released, according to the film's Facebook page, it's slated to come out sometime this month. Soon as I know something, you'll know something.

Creature Feature: The Plane from Airline Disaster

I felt a little weird adding The Plane from Airline Disaster to last year's list of non-human Looney nominees; but truth be told, I thought it was as much as character as any creature that reared its ugly head in an Asylum film last year, so I went for it. Heck, that's why the category was called "best performance by a non-human" instead of "best performance by a creature." What surprised me even more, however, was how many votes it received from you guys. The Plane came in a secure third in its category, when truthfully I barely expected it to register. But my initial assessment was correct: the plane in Airline Disaster is as central to the film and as much a physical presence as is Moby Dick in Moby Dick, or either Mega Shark or Crocosaurus in, well, you get the point. So I thought, given it's prominent position in my readers' fancy, I'd give the plane its full due and devote this creature feature to it.

There's nothing super or mega about this plane, spatially-speaking; it's a big ole plane, sure, but it's not the biggest ever or the heaviest or anything like that - it isn't the Titanic of the skies. There are multiple levels, kinda perfect for a band of terrorist hijackers looking to move about relatively undetected, and it does have four massive engines capable of sucking up cows and grinding them alive. Furthermore, its aerodynamic design is supposed to significantly cut down on fuel consumption. But again, these traits aren't all that distinguishing. What sets this plane - the first in Coastal Airlines' much-touted Starquest program - apart from all others, what makes it a target, in essence, is that it boasts to be run solely by computerized controls: "fully automatic from takeoff to landing." Pilots, so it's implied, are afterthoughts here, visual comfort for the passengers but not nearly as in control of the flight as we're accustomed to. In short, and perhaps oversimplifying, it's a robot plane. This has its advantages and disadvantages.

 Advantage: that human error factor which equates for roughly 70-80% of all airline disasters is avoided.

Disadvantage: you know, no one's in charge of the fucking plane.





That's not to say there's no way for a human pilot to regain control of the plane - of course there is, "innovative" isn't always synonymous with "suicidal" - but she's a bitch to control, a big, beautiful whale of a plane that takes more than power to steer, it takes an steel will stronger than that massive tube hurtling over our nation's capital toward the icy, unforgiving waters of the Potomac*.

Overall then, the plane in Airline Disaster becomes, in fact, more of a presence than other notable non-humans; after all, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus might be about those non-humans, but it also doesn't simultaneously take place inside them. The plane is villain, victim, setting, and, ultimately, hero. That's a lot of personas for something without an intellect (circuit boards aside).


So while the plane may never find itself in a "vs" film, or even get a sequel, it was one of the hardest-working, if not the hardest-working, non-human in The Asylum's employ last year, I'm convinced. Sorry for ever doubting you, big guy.




*just ask the British

(Probably) My Last Post About Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, and I Sweeten it With SyFy Showtimes!

So, I've heard from some of you guys who weren't able to catch the world television premiere of Mega Python vs Gatoroid lamenting that while you've been able to see the film in the weeks since, you haven't been able to find the extra footage that accompanied the premiere, like the before-film red carpet interviews and the running commentary at commercial breaks. Well, I've done a little hunting (meaning I searched You Tube and Hulu), and while I wasn't able to track down the commercial-break commentary, I did manage to scrounge up the complete red carpet segment, courtesy of the evil geniuses at Hulu.

Take a look here.

You'll notice a couple of familiar faces at the premiere besides our dueling songstresses: Alan Thicke of "Growing Pains," Julie McCullough, also of "Growing Pains" and, ahem, this, Dustin "Screech" Diamond - sporting a pretty burly beard - and even a cameo from former famed-VJ Downtown Julie Brown.

So rest a little easier now, my faithfully-committed, for now you have access to media which will make for a more complete MPvG viewing experience. There's still no word on a DVD release for this one, and according to the SyFy scheduling, the next time it's slated to air is March 15th, the Ides, at 9pm. 
_______________________________________________________________________

Speaking of SyFy, here's a gander at what Asylum films will be airing when on the network over the next two months:

2/9/11 - 3am - Frankenstein Reborn

2/13/11 - 3am - Transmorphers: Fall of Man

2/24/11 - 3am - Beast of Bray Road  
                11:30pm - Dead Men Walking

2/26/11 - 10:30am - Princess of Mars

3/1/11 - 10am - Dragonquest

3/7/11 - 8am - Beast of Bray Road

3/9/11 - 3am - I Am Omega

3/12/11 - 9pm - World Premiere Battle of Los Angeles

3/14/11 - 1pm - Journey to the Center of the Earth

3/15/11 - 5pm - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
                9pm - Mega Python vs Gatoroid

3/19/11 - 3am - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

3/25/11 - 2pm - 100 Million BC

3/26/11 - 11am - 100 Feet 

Happy Birthday Mr. Verne!

Today, February 8th, 2011, marks the 183rd birthday of one Jules Verne, renowned author, forefather of science fiction, eerily-on-point technological prophet and the source of two noteable Asylum flicks, 30,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea and Journey to the Center of the Earth. 

Without Mr. Verne, the notion of giant squid attacking man might never have entered the social consciousness, let alone the notion of a world inside the world or giant crab monsters. 

So hats off, Monsieur Verne, for close to two centuries of challenging our notions of the possible! Happy Birthday, and bring on The Asylum remake of Valley of the Dragons!

observation notes: Dragon

Boasting to be part one of an epic trilogy, Dragon – like one of the films it would seem to tie-in to, Eragon – failed to produce a second or third part. Whether this was the result of unrealized ambition by notedly-ambitious writer/director Leigh Scott (The Beast of Bray Road, 9/11 Commission Report), or perhaps a tongue-in-cheek nod to the over-ambitiousness of the mentioned film is unknown, and in the end, who really cares? All told, this fantasy film stands just fine on its own.

The basic premise is this: there’s this Princess (Amelia Jackson Gray), cute as a button, on a desperate mission to save her kingdom from impending invasion by an army of not-so-cute elves, the evil kind. Only problem is, the elves aren’t her only problem. She has to navigate her way through a haunted forest, a sorceress (Eliza Swenson) of questionable loyalties, a band of mercenaries and their roguish leader (Jeff Denton) and, as the title would lead one to believe, a big ass Dragon. 

Fortunately for our Princess, however, she does not traverse this forest nor brave these travails alone; at her side are a pair of upstanding adventurers (Matthew Wolf, Jon Paul Gates) more than capable of defending her majesty.

Before I get into any other aspect of this film, I’m going to talk a minute here about the effects, as with a film like this – that is, a direct-to-DVD purported fantasy epic – effects are the dealbreaker; a bad story can be overlooked, sour performances made funny, so long as when the moment comes, the effects don’t disappoint. And these don’t. Crafted by the fine folks at Sharper Effects Group, each effect – from dragons to fire to magic et cetera – is seamlessly integrated into the visual fabric of the film so that, while not perfect, they are near-perfect in context. The dragon especially, though a dash cartoonish, Pokemon-ish, even, was real enough for me; if we ran into each other in a dark alley, I’d definitely piss myself.

As for the performances, this one – like many Leigh Scott films – boasts a fine cast of capable regulars. Jeff Denton (Beast of Bray Road, The Hitchhiker) plays the roguish leader of the mercenaries with his customarily formidable aplomb, audacious and suavely capable. Great hair here, too, though his accent is slightly less-great. Ms. Gray (Halloween Night, Snakes on a Train) as the Princess is perfectly cold and demurely arrogant, blooming over the course of the film to reveal a good heart and strong soul at the center of a fiercely loyal and independent woman in an era where such a thing was a rarity. Also showcasing great strength and an awesome accent is Ms. Swenson (Transmorphers, Dracula’s Curse) as the sorceress. Ms. Swenson is gorgeously witchy like Stevie Nicks at her peak, but, you know, fucking mean. This is the best I’ve seen her, totally immersed in this accursed, prognosticating wretch of a witch, but, admittedly, I’m just discovering the joys of this wonderful actress, so for all I know the best could be yet to come. Here she’s like the best goddesses: frighteningly authoritative and creepily sexy.Plus, she did the score for this film. Yup, and it's really, really good.

As the guards, Matthew Wolf (Transmorphers, The Apocalypse) and Jon Paul Gates (a whole bunch of stuff even I haven’t heard of) are the heart of the film, the former playing it as a naïve warrior, too chivalrous, perhaps, for his profession, and as such endearing, while the latter demonstrates some of the same chivalrous obedience paired with independent caution; he’s got a job to do from which he wavers not, but mortality to him is a real thing, and something to guard fiercely. 

Leigh Scott, as mentioned and as he often does, pulled double creative duty here, writing and directing. His script is truly epic from the get-go, not overly-mythic but rather, like the best myths, simply explained as a struggle between good and evil for an ultimate balance. The story is competently militaristic, believable from a strategic standpoint, and only fantastic for the agents that execute the plan; this could have been a war movie, a sci-fi flick, a western - the story’s that universal. Here LS has crafted an engaging narrative that fits the genre for its basic complexity, but doesn’t bore or lag, and packs a mammoth wallop for 80 minutes. As a director, LS makes a great use of the scenery, making a real forest haunted by use of light and color to strike an unsettling ambiance.

Overall I found this one to be faithful – in terms of narrative and atmosphere – to the films it would seem to ape: Lord of the Rings, Eragon, Dragonheart, Reign of Fire. The action sequences are spectacular*, and these when paired with a stirring plot and excellent performances make for an intense drama expertly doled-out at a pace that accomplishes the near-impossible: making epic that which takes less than an hour and a half to unfurl. If you like dragon-based fantasy films, I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t love this one.

*my cat, who, in 6 years has never paid so much as a lick of attention to the TV, was utterly transfixed by this one, for whatever reason. Weezer has very discriminating tastes, believe me; I’d trust her more than me.

Philly Mega-Event Goes Smashingly!

You guys might recall a month or so again I made mention of this Asylum special screening of Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus at the Academy of Natural Sciences in the city of brotherly love, beautiful Philadelphia, PA. Well, the event went down last Thursday night, and Jill Sybesma, a programs coordinator over there and a Committed reader, sent me the lowdown on how it went off.

Seems that 300 people showed up for the festivities which included a screening of the film, "MST300-esque" commentary by local science experts, and, of course, the quintessential element in public screenings of creature features, copious amounts of beer. You can see from the photos on the left it looks likes a grand time. Ms. Sybesma assures me they'll try to show more films in the future, so if you're in the Philly area, or close enough and fanatic enough to make the trip, keep reading here or the Academy's site for info.

The Results Are In: Announcing the Winners of the 2010 Loonies!!!

That's right, my faithfully-committed, this is the day we've been waiting for: after six weeks of anticipation and more than 500 votes, it's at long last time to announce the winners of the first ever Looney Awards for Excellence in Asylum Films. This first class of winners will go down in history and their names will echo across time just like Wings, Emil Jannings and Janet Gaynor. In addition to winning the accolades of their fans and the envy of their contemporaries, Looney winners receive, well, nothing physical, but those other things really are pretty cool. A reminder that the Loonies were voted for solely by Committed readers, and you have my word as a Southerner, a gentleman and an Asylum fanatic that the results have been in no way modified. So get your screen maximized, pump something with a little pomp and circumstance on your iTunes (i chose lil wayne's "right above it") and scroll down, winners await you!

Best Supporting Actress - Lindsey McKeon - Airline Disaster

 

Best Supporting Actor - Jude Gerard-Prest - Mega Piranha

 

Best Performance by a Non-Human - Mega Piranha (collective) - Mega Piranha

 

Best Script - Shane Van Dyke - Titanic II

 

Best Actress - Tiffany - Mega Piranha

 

Best Actor - Barry Bostwick - 2010: Moby Dick

 

Best Director - Eric Forsberg - Mega Piranha

 

drum roll please...

Best Feature - Mega Piranha

 

I can assure you that each of these races came down to single-digit differentials, and for the most part every nominee got at least a handful of votes. I think this illustrates just how satisfied we as Asylum fans were with last year's output: they were all so good, we truly had a hard time deciding which one we liked best. But the results speak for themselves, and the big winner this first year is Mega Piranha, walking away with an astounding five of eight Loonies, and a slightly more astounding five of six nominations.

Big shout out to all the winners, and indeed all the nominees; this was the biggest, most spectacular year in The Asylum's history, and it was the contributions of all the nominees - and scores of others that I heartlessly left unnominated - who helped make it happen. So really they're all winners, and the prize is getting to work for the best independent studio in Hollywood.

Thanks to everybody who voted, who commented, and who helped spread the word. Special thanks, as always, to The Asylum for letting me draft off their success, and if any of the winners would like to post an acceptance speech in the comments below, feel free! No cut-off music! 

My Looney Picks: Committed's Favorties of 2010

I want it stated right off the bat and underlined for effect: these are NOT the official results for the 2010 Looney Awards. They ARE NOT. These are merely my personal picks in each category, and I should also add that though they are being posted today, I made my selections more than a month ago, so they have been in no way influenced by the actual results, which will be released tomorrow.

NOT THE LOONEY RESULTS!!!!!

I think I've made myself clear.





Now then, on to the festivities:


Best Supporting Actress

Lindsey McKeon - Airline Disaster

As Special Agent Gina Vitale, McKeon brought a ferocious capability to her character, crafting a complex woman who was simultaneously strong, severe, and sexy. McKeon is no stranger to Asylum films - see also The Land That Time Forgot - but hopefully now that she's an award-winning actress, they can boost her up from supporting roles to a full-on lead. 










Best Supporting Actor

Geoff Meed - 6 Guns

Easily this year's vilest (human) villain, Geoff Meed has made quite the name for himself over at The Asylum playing an array of gruff, tough, general badass characters (I Am Omega, 100 Million BC, Airline Disaster). In 6 Guns, his savagery is matched only by his intensity, and Mr. Meed transforms himself into a terror truly worth undertaking the drastic measures our widow heroine chooses to undertake; he is truly a villain worth killing.  







Best Script

 Paul Bales - Sherlock Holmes

Tackling a character like Sherlock Holmes is hard enough: easily one of the most beloved in all of literature, there is a disciplined intelligence to the stories of Holmes that is the character's own, and to write for such a man requires strict adherence to that intelligence. Well, Bales not only stayed true to the character, he infused the story with some of the author's other literary affectations - like dinosaurs - and even found a way to tie in a plot line resonant of Hollywood-Holmes Robert Downey Jr.'s other recent blockbuster franchise.






Best Nonhuman

Moby Dick - 2010: Moby Dick

Just as big as Mega Shark, just as ferocious as Crocosaurus, and laced with a mammalian intellect that dwarfs even the super-smart school mentality of the Mega Piranha, Moby Dick was a big ol' badass with a snowhilled hump riddled with centuries' worth of harpoons. Vengeful, merciless and damn-near unstoppable; in other words, the perfect villain.


Best Actress

Sage Mears - 6 Guns

More than any other female character this year, Ms. Mears' Selina Stevens, violated widow turned wrathful force of vengeance, carried the brunt of her film's emotional weight almost solely upon her own shoulders. And this was no easy weight to bear: over the films 95 minutes she's required to be a happy mother and loving wife, a victim of unimaginable horrors, a hopeless, reckless drunk, a petulant, impatient pupil and finally a cold, calm, calculated vigilante. Not bad for her first film.







Best Actor

Barry Bostwick - 2010: Moby Dick

Who else? As great as the other nominees in this category were, no one matched the on-screen intensity Bostwick brought to conflicted Captain Ahab. I mean, Gregory Peck played the role to near perfection, not to mention the likes of Patrick Stewart and (upcoming) William Hurt; these were no small shoes ("shoe," I guess is more appropriate) to step into. But Bostwick made the character his own, granting him a fevered passion the likes of which had never been captured by other actors. Plus, he made his own harpoon gun! There is nothing cooler than that. Nothing.





Best Director

Rachel Lee Goldenberg - Sherlock Holmes


This was the toughest category, in my estimation, but when all was said and done, it was the direction by Ms. Goldenberg I found to be the most enjoyable, the most thrilling, and the most stylish. Sherlock Holmes had a look all its own, delightfully Victorian with a healthy dash of steampunk aesthetics that set its helmer just ahead of the pack. Furthermore, her ability to pace and guide what could arguably have been the year's most serpentine and intricate plot is also worth touting. 


Best Feature

2010: Moby Dick

I suppose in the interest of total disclosure I should remind my readers that I have such a devotion to the novel by Herman Melville this film is based on - the greatest novel ever penned by an American - that I have a very tasteful scrimshaw-esque tattoo of said whale on my right forearm. But my body art aside, 2010: Moby Dick was easily the most enjoyable film - for me, at least - of the year. The plot was faithful to the original while establishing a wholly unique world, the acting was top-notch, the FX brutally awesome and the direction, by Mr. Trey Stokes, helped artfully tie all these elements together into a veritable bouquet of a killer whale movie (not Orca, but, you know...). An ambitious undertaking from the get-go, 2010: Moby Dick fired on all cylinders and succeeded on all fronts.



So there you have it, my personal picks for the best of Asylum's 2010 films. Agree with me? Disagree? If so, hold your tongue, because the real winners will be announced tomorrow, noontime here on the West Coast. See you then!

Titanic II Gets A SyFy Premiere! Soon!

So the in wake of Mega Python vs Gatoroid's ratings success, SyFy announced the television premiere of another Asylum flick, the much-loved Titanic II, written, directed by and starring Shane Van Dyke; this Sunday, February 6th, at 9 p.m.. The lovely and talented Marie Westbrook guest stars, as well as Bruce Davison and Brooke Burns. There's a special place in my heart for T2, as it was the first Asylum film released after I started Committed, therefore the first new release I got to review. You never forget your first.

In all seriousness, though, this is a great film - very inventive and action-packed - and definitely the best thing going on a Sunday. So if you've got cable and no inescapable plans, tune into SyFy this Sunday and show your commitment!

Sounds Like an Asylum Film To Me

There was an article recently published (and brought to my attention by Committed follower Jeff Long) in which it was reported that the Malaysian government has released a swarm of genetically-modified mosquitoes in hopes of combating the spread of deadly dengue fever. The article goes on to explain why exactly they think one thing will effect the other, but honestly, only two things caught my eye: the phrase "genetically-modified mosquitoes," and the last sentence of the article: "The institute gave no indication of how the experiment has fared so far."

You know why? Because those genetically-modified mosquitoes have obviously gone off the reservation, they're thinking for themselves, ignoring their assigned imperatives and acting upon base insect instincts, and are more than likely growing at an alarming and unnatural rate, plucking cows from the countryside, stealing babies from their prams and wreaking general, blood-thirsty havoc on the kind and peaceful populace of Malaysia. I mean, right? All the story needs now is a rugged, free-spirited traveling American culcidologist (real thing) to come along, stumble upon one such beleaguered village and join forces with a ragtag bunch of locals including a lovely native woman, a rambunctious but lovable native tween and even - after proving himself in the face of their unwarranted, blind and at-root racist mistrust - the lovely woman's protective brother and his thug friends to a messy but decisive victory over the massive-vampire-bug-swarm.

Somebody get me David Charvet (see yesterday's post, below), Tia Carrere, Nia Peeples or Kelly Hu, the guy who played "Rufio" in Hook, and for good measure, how about a cameo by Robert Picardo as the exiled American scientist/surprise relation of Charvet's responsible for creating these winged abominations.

SyFy, I think you have my contact info. 



ps. sorry for the late post today; thought i'd done it and i hadn't. back to AM posts tomorrow, honest!

The MPvG Ratings Have Come In

Well, the ratings are in from Saturday night's world premiere of Mega Python vs. Gatoroid: 2.35 million viewers. Not the record-breaking 2.51 we needed, nor the outlandish 2.8 million I predicted, but this is still a more than respectable number for a cable movie, and in fact helps SyFy Saturday nights continue its six-month streak of original movies with more than two million viewers. Hopefully this streak will stay alive until the next time The Asylum gets a shot at the title, the March premiere of Battle of Los Angeles.

Now that the dust has settled from Saturday's mega-marathon and I've had time to let my impressions of the film marinate in the old brainpan, I'm feeling more assured than ever that those initial impressions were correct: this movie fucking rocked. I agree with Committed-poster Tysto that act two got a little sluggish with exposition, but act three was nothing short of spectacular, a non-stop action-fest, and both leads showcased far superior acting skills from their previous Asylum efforts. Bottom line: Naomi Selfman's script was lively, buoyant, funny, thrilling and all-around on-point, and in putting it all together, director Mary Lambert has made one of the most enjoyable films of her highly-enjoyable career. This one is a forever-favorite of mine.

So congrats to all involved for the strong showing, and even more so for the strong film. Kudos!

Asylum Should-Stars #3

Here at Committed, I'm always looking for ways to prolong my love affair with Asylum blogging. I've done inmate profiles - spotlights on Asylum personnel - and I've done pitches - shameless attempts to get hired in marketing/development - but now, I'm melding the best of these features into one, amalgamated column: the awkwardly-named Asylum Should-Stars, in which I present actors/actresses/other cultural figures I think would make lovely additions to the Asylum's stable of performers. More mindless fun to wile away your workday! Let's dive right in, shall we?

Name: David Charvet

Best Known For: "Baywatch," old-school "Melrose Place"

Plays: In the past, brooding heartthrobs with European affectations like romance and frosted tips. However, Mr. Charvet has recently returned to acting after a nearly-ten-year hiatus, so now a little older and wiser, the options are wide(r)-open.

Could Be Cast As: Any leading man in an action/disaster flick. As Mr. Charvet seems surprisingly mild-mannered and down to Earth, he might also do well in a message-movie of the sort Faith Films puts out. 

Name: Lindy Booth

Best Known For:'04 Dawn of the Dead, Cry Wolf, Wrong Turn, Category 7: End of the World

Plays: sultry, manipulative minxes; fiery, fiercely-independent go-getters, deceptively powerful beauties

Could Be Cast As: perhaps a single mother, forced to protect her child from unimaginable chaos brought about by an astronomical event/awakened leviathan/invading force; or perhaps a plucky scientist in a specialty field called to action when a giant ____________ terrorizes southern California. 

Name: Jack Scalia

Best Known For: Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep, Red Eye, Silent Predators, Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story

Plays: Ruthless businessmen, often Italian and mob-related; slick thugs, classy brutes, the kind of Brooks Brothers s.o.b. you don't want to mess with.

Could Be Cast As: less-than-honorable men of means; obsessed, resourceful hunters/scavengers/collectors; the ultimate mastermind behind any number of devious, world-dominating schemes.