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creature feature: Moby Dick

I had the pleasure of re-watching Trey Stokes and Paul Bales' modern-masterpiece 2010 Moby Dick the other day, and it reminded me I had yet to shine the Committed creature feature spotlight on this titular, terrible white whale. Well, consider that oversight overturned.


Now, it should be noted that while this film, and its whale, are based on the Herman Melville's novel of the same name - minus the 2010, of course* - this is by no means the same whale. Melville's cetacean is vicious, yes, but it's still a conceivable whale, size-wise. 2010 Moby is amped up on whey protein or something, cuz mofo's the size of...I honestly don't have anything comparable in mind. It's huge, the kind of huge that can seize a nuclear sub in its jaws the way I would a baguette.


Furthermore, while the whale in Melville's classic was a bane on the existence of one very obsessive sea captain and the unfortunate crew serving under him, 2010 Moby is a full-blown menace to society, destroying everything he comes across, from the sub above to the whale-watching vessel above that, to the army chopper below. Dude just wants to kill, no rhyme, no reason, other than being the biggest predator in the history of history and having, as such, a comparable appetite.


Massive, sharply-toothed - no baleen here - and covered blowhole to belly in tough, thick, near impenetrable blubber; even Greenpeace would want this thing dead. I could offer speculative conjecture as to who would win in a fight, Moby or Mega Shark, Moby or Giant Octopus, Moby or Crocosaurus and so on, but the simple answer is, Moby would just swallow them like Jonahs, fight over. 

So a Committed salute, then, to what might just be the top of the Asylum food-chain, the Alpha predator in a menagerie of alpha predators: the melanin-deprived marine terror that is 2010 Moby Dick. If you haven't laid witness to the film yet, remedy that error toot suite.


*can you imagine how sweet it would have been if Melville had applied his nautical fetish to the sort of speculative fiction of Wells and Verne? I think the closest we get is China Mieville.

Thanks for 100,000 Hits!!!


With 18 days remaining until Committed's first birthday, the blog recorded its 100,000th hit at 7:21PM, PST this evening. Not too shabby.

A sincere and heartfelt thanks to everyone who' s popped by over the last 12 months, especially those of you who've done it often, and extra-especially to those of you who have let me write screenplays for your awesome company. This blog = my best idea EVER. And without readers, it would be just more meaningless flotsam in an endless digital sea. 

Thanks for reading my flotsam. Only awesome things ahead...

outside the walls: August DVD Releases


I recognize that not all great films are made exclusively by The Asylum and that, in fact, there's a whole world of film outside these walls, some of which might actually interest Asylum fans - when they're not watching or re-watching Asylum films, of course. And, being as I'm only looking out for your viewing well-being, here's a peek at some other DVD releases this month which might satiate you between Asylum releases. But remember, as always, Sweet n' Low ain't sugar.

Aug. 2





The Coffin















 


Cougar Hunting



















Exit 33




























Quarantine 2: Terminal

















Stake Land


















Strigoi: The Undead


















Yellow Brick Road














Aug. 9






Camp Hell


















Evil Things


















Frat House Massacre


















Super


















Paul














Aug. 16






Arctic Blast


















Dexter Season 5


















Lizard Boy


















Priest


















The Ward














Aug. 23







The Bleeding House


















Meteor Storm


















Troll Hunter















Aug. 30







Bereavement


















Roadkill


















Bikini Girls on Ice


















Children of the Corn: Genesis


















Norwegian Ninja


















Red Faction: Origins 

First Stills From 11/11/11...and an AWESOME Poster!

The current Asylum film in production - the apocalyptic thriller 11/11/11 from director Keith Allen - just released a set of production stills over on Flickr.

  

From the looks of it, this is gonna be a heady slugfest. And then there's the poster...


Little bit of The Omen, little bit of Amittyville, and all kinds of creepy. See for yourself when 11/11/11 drops on DVD on 11/1/11, giving you ten days to prepare for the inevitable.

Shark Week, Asylum-Style! On the Road with Gemi the 2 Headed Shark!

As I posted a few days ago, the next Asylum film to enter production, 2 Headed Shark Attack (which I wrote, based on a story by Ed DeRuiter) is currently gearing up in a major, spectacular way. The film's director, Christopher Ray (Almighty Thor, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus) is making his way across this great nation of ours as we speak, hauling what has to be the most awesome cargo ever:


A 2-headed shark affectionately nicknamed Gemi. 

Ray's going old school on this one, it seems, not relying entirely on CGI but putting an actual model in the water, a beautiful, expertly crafted, marvelously frightening and spot-on model. 

But before Gemi hits the Atlantic waters off the coast of Florida, he's taking some time to pose with some of the first of his inevitable legion of fans.


This is Gemi hanging out with a fella by the name of Eugene at a Chevron station in Blythe, California, right on the Arizona border. Looks like Ray's taking I-10 clear across into the pan-handle, which is a beautiful highway. I've driven it a handful of times myself, and strongly suggest a stop in beautiful Van Horn, Texas, within view of Mexico's ethereal Guadalupe Mountains. Just a travel tip.

Then Tuesday we got a few new shots from the grand state of Texas:



This is Gemi hanging out in the parking lot of a Mexican Restaurant. I like his style.


And this is Gemi snacking on a very happy child. I can't tell if Mom is trying to pull him out or push him in. Either way, that's the coolest vacation photo I've ever seen.

And here's Gemi kicking it with two lovely young ladies in beautiful Beaumont, Texas. 



From Texas, Gemi dropped into the deep-fried South, where he took a moment in Louisiana to pose with some genuine Southern Belles...






...and to have a bite (you didn't actually think I'd get through this without a horrible pun, did you? for shame...).


But when Gemi crossed over into Florida, folks in the Sunshine State were a little too skittish to get near the shark (backlash from Jaws 3, no doubt) so it was up to the film's intrepid Production Designer (I don't know who this is, but I'll find out) to pose with Gemi.




My favorite part about this one is the sign over the truck advertising "Real Hamburgers." If you guys run across any signs advertising "Fake Hamburgers," I vehemently request another photo.


So there you have it, one 2-headed shark's journey across this great country of ours - or at least the southern part, which for my confederate money is the best - seeing the sights, connecting with fans, and most importantly, amping itself up for next year's biggest shark film (that's right, Dark Tide, bring it). 


2 Headed Shark Attack starts filming in a couple weeks for a January 17, 2012 DVD release. Details as they become available...

(Some) Details for 2 Headed Shark Attack!!!


Item 2 on this big news day is the page for 2 Headed Shark Attack, which also went up over at The Asylum site. And while it doesn't have as many details as 11/11/11, the ones it does have excite me quite a bit. Mostly because I wrote the script, based on a great story by Ed Deruiter, the fella who wrote 3 Musketeers. Check out the awesome plot:

"When a Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark, the survivors escape to a deserted atoll. But when it starts flooding, the coeds are no longer safe from the double jaws of the monster."


We already knew the film was being directed by Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray (Almighty Thor, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus), who as we speak is transporting that beautiful beast pictured above to sunny Florida, and now we know when we can expect this instant classic to arrive: January 17, 2012.

No cast announcements as of yet, but no one's waiting on more pins and needles than I am, so the second The Asylum makes it public, it'll be posted here.


Needless to say, I am tickled chartreuse with delight to have gotten the opportunity to write this. Anyone who knows me well would use the phrase "shark movie freak" within the first 12 seconds of describing me; this is a pretty big deal in my strange little world. And while I can't tell you much (or anything) about the story beyond what's above, I can tell you that this movie is gonna be awesome - AWESOME - and you should run tell everyone you know that it's happening. Two heads. Oh the possibilities...

Details for 11/11/11 !!!

So, part one of the big news today is that The Asylum has released info on their latest production, 11/11/11. The film, a horror-thriller is described as:

"Jack and Melissa are frightened by their son's bizarre and violent behavior; they soon learn that he is the gateway to the Apocalypse, and it will happen on his birthday, 11-11-11."

The film is being directed by Keith Allen, who, if I have the right guy, has one credit on IMDB, for acting in the upcoming 3 Musketeers. Mr. Allen also wrote the script, along with one Kiff Scholl, who has quiet an extensive resume as an actor - including appearances in "Reno 911" and "Criminal Minds" - and has one other writing credit for a funny film (I've actually seen it, not just blowing smoke) entitled Scream of the Bikini, which he also directed.


As for the cast, it includes Jon Bridell - Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, Hatchetman, The Millennium Bug, Midnight Movie - Hayden Byerly, the bizarre little dude in question, and Erin Coker, another newcomer.


This one's set to bow on DVD November 1st, right smack in the middle of what's gearing up to be a busy and awesome Asylum fall, what with A Haunting in Salem, 3 Musketeers, Born Bad, Dragon Crusaders and 11/11/11 all getting released within a six week period. Awesome!


And speaking of awesome, this is only part one of the big news...come back in about half an hour for GIANT NEWS!

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus Gets a SyFy Premiere!

Last year's best shark film, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus - suck it, Sharktopus - will finally get the primetime exposure it deserves on the 20th of this month when it makes its World Television Premiere on the greatest network in the history of television, SyFy.

That's right, fellow inmates, we're getting another crack at shattering the SyFy Saturday Night Original Movie ratings record, currently held by Lake Placid 3 - helmed by former inmate Griff Furst - at 3 million viewers. The only two flicks to even come close are shark flicks - it-who-shall-not-be-named at 2.5 million and Furst's follow-up Swamp Shark at 2.2 million - meaning if we start blogging, facebooking, tweeting and whatever else right now, we got a real chance at taking the crown.

Either way, a great film is coming to a great channel on a undoubtedly pleasant summer evening. Jaleel White, Gary Stretch and Robert Picardo star for director Christopher Ray - currently starting work on his next film, The Asylum's 2 Headed Shark Attack, details coming soon, promise - from a script by Naomi Selfman.

Saturday, August 20th at 9 p.m. is when it goes down. Tell ten people to tell ten people right now!

Another Haunting in Salem Cast Member Revealed!

With a little more than two months before the DVD premiere of A Haunting in Salem, The Asylum film I wrote (never going to stop mentioning that, ever), we're still being teased with bits and pieces of the production. Last week the first trailer was released, and now there's another cast member who's been added to the film's IMDB page: a man they call Sonny King.

Mr. King has a pretty extensive filmography, stretching back to the late 80's and including some pretty rad/well-known titles like Order of the Eagle with Frank Stallone, Murder in the First with Kevin Bacon and Gary Oldman, Eraser with Ah-nold and Jimmy Caan, Counter Measures with Michael Dudikoff and directed by Fred Olen Ray (father of Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus/Almighty Thor director Christopher Ray), Agent Red with Dolph Lundgren, as well as the upcoming 333 with Corin Nemic and A Haunting in Salem lead actor Bill Oberst Jr.

As some of these films obviously suggest, Mr. King is often cast into military-action-oriented flicks, which makes sense because he seems like a pretty intimidating dude, at least in photographic form. In Salem, however, he will be playing the role of McSwain, a groundskeeper, a different sort of character from what you might be used to seeing him play. And that's all I'm going to say about that other than I bet he nails it.


Find out for yourself this October 4th - aka the Best Day In The History of Ever (pt.1) around my house - when A Haunting in Salem drops on DVD and Blu-Ray. Oh, and if you have one of those baller 3D TVs, you're in luck, because this bad boy also scares the crap out of you across all three dimensions. Oh yes...

Our First Look at the ACTUAL 2-Headed Shark!

So, although we're still without the majority of details on what is sure to be The Asylum's flagship film of 2011, 2-Headed Shark Attack, today we did get a first glimpse of the shark itself - that's right, there's an actual, physical shark model, not just CGI - as it sped off to an undisclosed location across the country where filming is set to begin shortly. Behold awesomocity:


That is the single raddest thing I have ever seen, and I want it. No details have been released by The Asylum as yet - aside from the film's director, the great and talented Christopher Ray (Almighty Thor, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus) - so that's all you get for now. But trust me on this, 2-Headed Shark Attack is destined to be the second greatest shark film of all time.

For now, follow the Asylum on Twitter or Facebook for more shark photos!

Details as soon as The Asylum makes them available...

3 Musketeers Gets A (RAD) Poster!

After Dragon Crusaders in September and A Haunting in Salem in October, the next scheduled release from The Asylum is their take on the action-packed classic 3 Musketeers, directed by Cole McKay (200MPH) from a script by Ed DeRuiter. There were some stills released a few weeks ago that showed this adaptation to be modern-set, a tried-and-tested story of brotherhood and justice set in the fast-paced and better-armed world of our own era. As such, a poster for such a film would need to be dynamic, explosive, thrilling and intriguing. Well, I don't know who the poster guy is over at The Asylum, but as usual, he nailed it:


That is AWESOME!

Fire?     Check.
Guns?   Check check check.
Karate? Check.
Fighter jets?     Oh hell yeah check.

And that tagline: All For One and Guns For All...BRILLIANT!!!

I don't know for sure what Mr. McKay and Mr. DeRuiter have cooked up, but it looks to be an explosive good time. 3 Musketeers stars Heather Hemmens, XIN, Alan Rachins, Keith Allan, Michelle Boyd, and David Chokachi, and hits your DVD player October 25.

A Haunting in Salem - THE TRAILER



I've been trying to make it as a writer since I was 11 years old. That's going on 23 years, or more than 2,000 days of writing, waiting and hoping. Today is the first day I actually feel like a real writer. Behold, the first official trailer for A Haunting in Salem the film I totally wrote for The Asylum, available on DVD October 4th of this year. Shane Van Dyke directed, Bill Oberst Jr, Courtney Abbiati, Jenna Stone, Nicholas Harsin, Gerald Webb, Carey Van Dyke et al star, and The Asylum made it all happen. 

I'm gonna go weep tears of joy for seven or eight hours while playing this on loop. I strongly suggest you do the same.

Official Dragon Crusaders Trailer is Here!


The next Asylum release, Dragon Crusaders, won't be on DVD until the end of September, but the trailer has arrived, and it looks pretty darn awesome. Great effects, thrilling score (by the incomparable Chris Ridenhour) and epic direction. 

Mark Atkins (Battle of Los Angeles) is behind the pen and camera for this one, which automatically makes it must-see in my book. The film stars Dylan Jones, Cecily Fay, Karl Greenwood, Shinead Byrne, Simon Lloyd-Roberts and Tony Sams. 

Check out the trailer above and watch with me when Dragon Crusaders drops on September 27th.

Barely Legal on DVD Today!!!


Today's the day, my fellow faithfully-committed, that the latest Asylum release hits the streets: Barely Legal, the studio's latest sex comedy from the pen of the uber-talented Naomi Selfman, the eye of Jose Montesinos and starring Jeneta St.Clair, Melissa Johnson and Lisa Younger.

You can scroll down a little ways for my notes on the film, or, if that's too strenuous, you can take my word for it that if you like sexy comedies, you will find a lot to treasure about Barely Legal: hot babes in lascivious situations wearing hardly anything.  

And, as if that wasn't enough, the film's previews include the first teaser trailer for A Haunting in Salem, the horror film I wrote, Shane Van Dyke directed and a slew of actors lead by Bill Oberst Jr brought to life. The film was originally set to street in August, but has since been re-scheduled for October 4th, a far scarier time of year. More on that to come...

New Asylum Title Announced!

Interesting thing popped up in the Coming Soon section of The Asylum's homepage Monday, a brand-spanking new title: 11/11/11


This is not, I think, the project 11-11-11, being directed by the schlockmeister who culled together scraps for Saw 2, 3 and 4, but rather a wholly independent thriller(?) or horror(?) film that I'm willing to bet is based on the same numerological prophesy.

No details for this one other than the title, but I'd also be willing to bet this one streets the week of November 11, 2011, which would mean it would need to enter production toot suite.

More info as it becomes available!

observation notes: Barely Legal

As far as plotlines go, sex comedies aren't usually too high concept - typically it's just some dude trying to get laid. But in this latest release from The Asylum, this basic premise is tripled and given a gender twist in the form of three lovely young ladies and lifelong BFFs who make a vow to each lose their virginity on their shared 18th birthdays. The result is a funny, saucy, scintillating and titillating film that delivers everything it promises: sex, sex and sex.

The three leads - Jeneta St. Clair, Lisa Younger and Melissa Johnson - are relative newcomers with promising chops, each bringing a distinct personality to her virgin-in-longing: Johnson, "Sue," is the brainy conservative with just enough religious conviction to believe in saving herself, but enough religious repression to really need a bang; St. Clair, "Cheryl," is the film's control character, the good-girl-next-door ready to give her virginity to the fella she loves, making her also the film's emotional center; Younger, "Lexi," who is seriously the horniest, most promiscuous virgin in cinematic history, but not in a bad-girl way, more in a sinfully-curious way. Each actress pulls off her role with aplomb, but special kudos go to Younger for her comedic timing, Johnson for her endearing neuroses, and St. Clair for her immediate and constant likability.

The script, from Naomi Selfman (18 Year Old Virgin, #1 Cheerleader Camp, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Python vs Gatoroid) is spot-on in terms of comedy and sexiness. Furthermore, while the female-centric romantic comedy is a tried and true genre, Ms. Selfman and The Asylum over the last few years have been mastering the female-centric sex comedy, a truly awesome thing. This might be about chicks, but dudes will find plenty to enjoy.

Decide for yourself this Tuesday when Barely Legal hits the streets on DVD. Oh yeah, and as an added bonus, dig the first teaser trailer for A Haunting in Salem, the film I wrote, in the DVD's previews. More on this to come...